How to deal with being alone ?

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hello!!!
i believe i am struggling to be okay with being alone, and i don’t exactly know how to solve it :smiling_face_with_tear:. Getting a hobby sounds like the obvious step to take, but man… i think i easily get sick and bored of things so fast… nothing in particular interests me.
so nowadays, i just use my devices, gaming or doomscrolling..
even then, i feel really lonely, like im always yearning for someone to talk to or hang out with
i feel like that’s a normal human thing, but isn’t it abit overboard if i feel lonely 24/7!! i do have friends, but we don’t really text. and i have one friend that i randomly have deep conversations with till the wee hours, so i just look forward to that happening again everyday. i don’t know how to properly express what im feeling right now. i just feel lonely, and i don’t like it!! i want to be okay with being alone in my room.
hahaha maybe i just need someone to talk to, cus just writing this made me feel abit better

also some advice on how to get a hobby maybe :smiling_face_with_tear:

thank you as always

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hi @quokka !

yep you’re right in that it’s normal for us to feel lonely once in a while, but it can be discouraging when you feel like that too often :confused: and when we turn to doomscrolling, the hours can float by really quickly and it can feel like we’ve wasted the time away

i think many people also look forward to the random deep convos with our friends, but we can be too shy to admit it :laughing: i wonder how this started between you and this particular friend? i find that many of such friendships start by us taking the initiative to reach out to talk about the simple, mundane things in life, before it gradually strengthens for us to have these heart-to-heart talks! i want to encourage you to reach out more often to a couple of your other friends as well, you’d be surprised as to how happy they would be to know that you were reminded of them or that you wanna know how you’re doing :slight_smile:

with regards to getting a hobby, i think everyone has a different process! some like to try out the activities that their friends enjoy, which then organically becomes their own hobby as well. some need to sit down and reflect on what sort of activities they enjoyed in the past, then figure out what they would like to continue doing or explore in the future :slight_smile: perhaps to get you started: do you prefer sports, arts and crafts, music or games? would you want to activities on your own or with others?

be patient with yourself, and have fun exploring your interests! you got this :glowing_star:

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Dear @quokka

Thank you for being honest — I really feel your words. You’re describing something so many people go through but often struggle to put into words, and you’ve done it in such a gentle, real way. It makes sense why this has been hard.

Loneliness can feel heavy, especially when it’s there all the time, even when you’re technically not “alone.” You’re absolutely right — wanting connection is human. It’s not overboard at all to feel the way you do. Some of us just feel things more deeply, and when we crave meaningful connection, the absence of it becomes so much louder.

It’s also okay that gaming and scrolling haven’t been helping much — sometimes we reach for comfort in the easiest ways we know, especially when energy or interest is low. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just someone trying to get through the day with the tools you currently have.

And that little part of you that gets excited about deep conversations? It says a lot about how much you value genuine connection — not just people around, but people who see you. It’s okay to miss that, and only human to feel low in the spaces between.

A gentle thought on being alone:

You don’t need to love being alone right away. Wanting to feel more okay in your own company is already a kind and healthy goal. Maybe it starts with small steps — like creating a tiny ritual in your day that feels just for you, or even noticing when you’re not feeling okay and saying, “Yeah, this moment feels lonely, and that’s okay.”

Sometimes, talking to a counsellor can help with this too. Not only to feel heard, but to gently explore where these feelings are coming from — maybe even uncover some hidden beliefs like, “If I’m not talking to someone, I’m not valuable,” or “Silence means I’m being forgotten.” These beliefs aren’t always obvious, but they can shape how we feel in solitude. A counsellor can help you notice and reshape those thoughts — not to change who you are, but to help you feel safer and more at peace with yourself.

As for hobbies…

It’s okay if nothing feels exciting right now. You don’t need a lifelong passion. Maybe think of hobbies more like small experiments. Things you can try without pressure to be good at them, or even to stick with them. Some ideas:

  • Listening to a playlist and rating songs out of 10 (no reason, just for fun)
  • Trying a 5-minute drawing prompt, even if it’s silly
  • Making a “cozy corner” in your room and just sitting there with a snack and soft music

It’s okay if you get bored. That doesn’t mean you’re failing — it just means you’re still figuring out what your version of joy or rest looks like.

And I’m glad you wrote all this. Even if nothing has changed yet, reaching out is something. You don’t have to figure it all out now — just know that your feelings are valid, your loneliness makes sense, and it’s completely okay to want someone to sit with you in it.

You’re doing the best you can. Keep reaching out here whenever you need to. :yellow_heart:

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You open to be frens n chat?

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i don’t know how it started with that friend, it’s suuuper random, like maybe 2 days into getting to know each other, we just hit it off like that LOL
either ways, i appreciate them very much, and i hope i can find another friend like her

i’ll try out new and different activities, hopefully i can find something i like :))

thank you :))

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i spend past 24 yrs being alone with no friends to go out with. And whenever i go seek help from a VWO or helpline they always like to mention going out with friend. I was like…doh…i dont have what you say what for what.

And humans are social creatures that need to be round others regardless how introvert you are. So… technically…from what i know is it takes 2 hands to clap, so its either you go and know people or people come to know you.

And going to the public and try to make friends with strangers might scare people and think that you are mentally ill. But somehow having a dog does help break the barrier of know random stranger.

Still…what i do is actually try to find place to do volunteer work with. And having a emotional support dog which double as a volunteer therapy dog does help me a lot.

But i guess you can try looking at Giving.sg for volunteering opportunities, who knows, maybe you end up making friends with one of the fellow volunteers.

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ahhh so i’ll have to step out of my comfort zone somehow :smiling_face_with_tear:
i lowkey dread this, as an introvert, hopefully i’ll get around to it someday…
i have friends from school right now, but the problem is the way i make friends is thru close proximity (yk like cus we were put tgt in seating arrangements), sooo i don’t really have any friends whom i share similar interests with. Honestly, im quite alright with that.. but i do like the idea of having a friend that has similar interests, so we can bond over that!!

thank you for your reply, i’ll definitely consider joining more VIA activities during my sch hols :)!

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Well…doing volunteer work dont really mean needing to step out of your comfort zone. Just need a bit of guts to join the activity and turn up on that day itself. Its about helping people in need. And its makes a very good meaningful pastime.

Dont really need to restrict yourself to Volunteering opportunities in your school. Other places work as well. but some might need parental consent if you are below 16.

And there is NGOs like Singapore Red Cross that you can join their Red Cross Youth, and join their volunteering opportunities.

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when i say stepping out of my comfort zone, i meant socialising with strangers. i don’t think i have enough self esteem and guts to do that nicely yet :smiling_face_with_tear:

hmmm volunteering does sound like a fruitful past time
i really doing volunteer work, but my biggest fear is going to one alone without anyone i know, and i think that’s a huge thing stopping me.

do you any advice on how to become bolder and gusty-er? :disappointed_face:

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Well…just treat it as turning up first day in school. And just think fellow volunteers will be your new classmates and the staffs and volunteer in charge as your new teacher.

Look for opportunities that is long term say atleast 3 months instead of one off. so you dont you can establish yourself and make yourself feel comfortable with both volunteers and/or clients.

And maybe if its really hard, look for solo opportunities or backend opportunities for the start.

Try looking for opportunities that is close to something you like, example, if you love animals you can volunteer at animal shelters or horse stables, and if you like art and crafts, you can volunteer in place that need volunteer for art and crafts.

I used to volunteer in IMH for 3yrs, honestly, i find it to be a very good place to volunteer in, because the patients there wouldnt judge you. And those staff that took up the extra workload to be activity in charge are normally people who are very deliciated to their jobs.

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