Whenever im angry i would usually have tremendous outbursts. I dont know why i feel unloved everyday and I feel that it may have linked to the fact that when i was small my sister is usually favored and i was always at a wrong, therefore needing myself to exert some physical outbursts to feel like we’re even now and im not at a loss anymore. I also feel that I never had people’s attention since small as compared to my sister which may make me quite attention seeking. Because of that, i think that people will judge me whenever i express what i feel, making me scared to do so. Is this normal and do I need help?
Hi scoobydo
Thank you for bravely coming forward with the challenges you are experiencing.
Your feelings are fully valid and understandable. Indeed it sounds like you’re navigating some complex feelings related to anger, self-worth, and the dynamics of your childhood.
Please don’t be discouraged, it is completely normal to have these feelings, and I believe recognising them is a first step toward understanding and managing them better.
May I recommend that you can consider :
a)Understanding Your Emotions
Childhood Dynamics: Feeling unloved or overlooked in childhood, especially in comparison to a sibling, can have lasting effects on your self-esteem and emotional responses. It’s common for individuals in similar situations to feel the need to assert themselves or seek attention as a way to cope with those feelings.
Anger and Outbursts: Anger can often be a secondary emotion, stemming from feelings of hurt, rejection, or inadequacy. Outbursts can be a way to express frustrations that might feel overwhelming or unmanageable. Understanding this connection can help you find healthier ways to express your emotions.
Fear of Judgment: The fear of being judged when expressing your feelings is a common concern. Many people worry about how others perceive them, especially if they have a history of feeling overlooked or dismissed.
b) Taking These Steps Toward Healing
Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your feelings. Journaling can be a helpful tool to articulate your thoughts and emotions. Write about your experiences, feelings of being unloved, and your anger. This can help you process your emotions more clearly.
Identify Triggers: Pay attention to what specifically triggers your anger or feelings of inadequacy. Understanding these triggers can help you develop strategies to manage your reactions in the moment.
Practice Healthy Expression: Instead of physical outbursts, explore healthier ways to express your anger and frustration. This could include:
Physical Activity: Engaging in exercise, such as running or yoga, can be a great outlet for pent-up emotions.
Creative Outlets: Art, music, or writing can provide a constructive way to express your feelings.
Mindfulness Techniques: Practices like deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises can help you calm down in moments of anger.
Seek Support: It’s important to talk to someone about what you’re feeling. This could be a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, work through past experiences, and develop coping strategies.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Work on reframing negative thoughts about yourself. Think how much you grown despite the challenges you faced.
Your feelings are real and valid, and it’s deeply commendable that you’re seeking to understand and address them. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. With support and self-reflection, you can work toward feeling more secure in yourself and your relationships.