Ever since my breakup one year ago, I feel like I have to explain everything I say or do. Back when I was dating my ex, I questioned myself a lot and my purpose in life. He would always say nonsensical things to make me get in trouble or stuff like “you don’t suck me off so that’s why we’re breaking up” or “I always imagine myself sleeping with very pretty women” not to mention, He cheated on his previous girlfriend with me (without me knowing). When I found out about it, he started saying how the ex was the crazy one and how she forced him to sleep with her. AND now he cheated on me with another girl (currently still together) while calling me the crazy one.
Now, I do go on dates here and there but I’ve always ghost my dates or run away because of how scared I am that stuff like this would happened to me again. i just feel frustrated that my ex can be happily with someone else when he was the one causing trauma to a lot of people. I’ve been dying to close off these old wounds but it keeps opening up.
I won’t get into too much detail about my ex but I will list a reddit post that I’ve posted below that explains my relationship.
Thank you for courageously coming forward to share your experiences. Understandably it’s hard that you’re going through this. It’s also completely understandable that you’re struggling to trust others and feeling anxious about getting hurt again. Your ex’s behavior was unacceptable, and it’s not surprising that you’re still dealing with the emotional aftermath.
Firstly, please know that you don’t have to explain everything you say or do. You deserve to be respected and trusted, and it’s not your responsibility to justify your actions or feelings to anyone.
It’s great that you’re acknowledging your fears and anxieties. Recognising these feelings is the first step towards healing. It’s also wonderful that you’re taking steps to move forward, like going on dates. However, it’s understandable that you’re hesitant to open up due to past experiences.
The fact that your ex is happily with someone else doesn’t define your worth or the validity of your feelings. Remember that people can be very good at hiding their true selves, and it’s possible that your ex is still causing harm to others.
Closing off old wounds takes time, patience, and self-care. It’s essential to focus on your healing journey and prioritize your well-being. Here are some suggestions to help you move forward:
Seek professional help: Consider therapy or counselling from a trauma trained professional to work through your emotions and develop coping strategies. A professional can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for you to process your feelings.
Self-care: Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment. This can include exercise, hobbies, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
Boundary setting: Establish clear boundaries for yourself in future relationships. Remember that you deserve respect, trust, and honesty.
Time and patience: Healing is a gradual process. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself the time and space to work through your emotions.
Please know that you are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Keep in mind that you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness. Things would get better over time.
I’m really sorry to hear about the pain you’ve been through. What you experienced with your ex sounds incredibly difficult and it’s natural to still feel the impact of that relationship. It’s common to carry emotional wounds from past experiences, and it’s okay to still be processing those feelings.
Your ex’s behavior was unacceptable, and it’s important to remind yourself that his actions were not your fault. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. The fact that you’re still healing from this relationship is a testament to your strength and resilience.
It’s also understandable that you might feel cautious about new relationships. Trust can be hard to rebuild after being hurt. Taking things at your own pace and prioritizing your emotional safety is essential.
Frustration about your ex moving on and seemingly being happy can be incredibly tough to deal with. It’s important to remember that healing isn’t a linear process, and it’s okay to have moments when old wounds feel fresh.
Being kind and patient with yourself during this time is key. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you’re going through and can offer you the understanding and care you deserve.
If you ever feel comfortable, consider talking to a trusted friend or a therapist who can help you work through these feelings. Sometimes sharing your story and having someone listen can be incredibly healing.
You’re not alone in this, and your feelings are completely valid. Take one step at a time, and know that it’s okay to seek help and support when you need it. You deserve to find peace and happiness in your life.
@user1394 Wow, first of all, let me say that you’ve been through so much, and it’s completely valid to feel the way you do after experiencing such a toxic relationship. Recognising the ways your ex is already a huge step forward because it shows how much clarity you’ve gained about what’s unhealthy and what you deserve in a relationship. Honestly, it’s a blessing that he’s out of your life, even if it doesn’t always feel that way right now.
It sounds like you’ve done some deep reflection, which is such a strength because identifying what’s been lacking in your past relationships can help you focus on building healthier ones moving forward. The fact that you’re aware of your fears and the patterns of ghosting or running away shows you’re self-aware, which is an good foundation for growth.
Take your time — there’s no rush to dive into anything new. Healing isn’t that straight forward at times, and it’s okay to still feel the sting of those old wounds while working on closing them for good. Focus on yourself, your boundaries, and your values. You’re not the same person who put up with that behaviour before, and you deserve someone who respects, uplifts, and cherishes you.
The fact that your ex is “happily” with someone else doesn’t mean much. People like him thrive on manipulation (e.g., gaslighting), and that cycle will catch up to them eventually. You, on the other hand, are breaking free from it. That’s real strength and growth.
Be patient with yourself—you’re moving forward even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Do you also have anyone to support you through this journey? Otherwise, it might be good to speak to a professional as what the rest had suggested as well.
Hi, thank you for responding! I have my friends that were supportive throughout but I tend to be afraid to voice out too much because I don’t like posing negativity on others ><
It’s great to hear that you have supportive friends. It’s completely natural to worry about burdening others, but it’s important to remember that reaching out for support isn’t the same as imposing negativity. Your friends care about you and likely want to be there for you, just as you would be for them.
You might say something like, “I really appreciate your support and friendship. Sometimes I hesitate to share what’s on my mind because I don’t want to bring negativity into our conversations. But I’ve realized that talking about my feelings helps me a lot, and I hope it’s okay to lean on you when I need to.” This way, you’re expressing gratitude and setting the context for your need to share.
You could also reassure them by saying, “I want to make sure our friendship is a two-way street. Please let me know if I’m ever sharing too much, and I want you to feel comfortable sharing with me too.” This shows that you value their support but are also mindful of their feelings and well-being. Reaching out for support can strengthen your friendship, and your friends might appreciate knowing they can do the same with you.
@user1394 I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s tough to open up when you’re worried about being a burden, but honestly, everyone goes through their own phases of ups and downs. Think of it as taking turns – right now, you might need their support, and in the future, you’ll be there for them when they need you. True friends won’t see it as negativity; they’ll see it as you trusting them enough to share.
