Vidros in a relationship

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1

Hi,

my boyfriend since 3 years watched ■■■■ at the beginning of the relationship. As for me, its kind of cheating I explained to him how it makes me feel worthless, ugly and just not enough. He stopped for a while, our relationship had ups and downs till recently we had more and more fights because I dont really feel loved and understood by him. I worked hard on that relationship to work and to try and understand each other. A week ago it turned and I got the feeling to be loved, he paid attention and everything was well, also our life in bed. So I just woke up and saw him naked next to me watching videos of other girls on his phone. I was shaking while confronting him. His response was only that for him its not that bad and doesnt count as cheating and I am the one putting him as the bad guy. I said I dont wanna let him explain as it happened a lot of times before so he is not willing to change. He does have photos of me so I dont understand why he ignored how it makes me feel like. I am crying since and I think its best to leave him. I just feel so lonely and not enough and he just went to sleep as if nothing happend.

We are living together and have a lot planned for the future. Am I overreacting?

2

Hi @Mimi11940

Thank you for writing in! Please know that you are not overreacting.Your feelings are valid, and it’s understandable that you’re hurt and upset.

I believe you are feeling a betrayal of trust. Your boyfriend’s actions, despite knowing how they make you feel, demonstrate a lack of respect for your boundaries and emotions. His response, shifting the blame to you and downplaying the issue, suggests a lack of empathy and understanding. Unfortunately this isn’t an isolated incident, and his unwillingness to change his behaviour is a significant concern.

You deserve :

  1. Respect and empathy: You deserve a partner who respects your feelings, boundaries, and concerns.
  2. Trust and honesty: A healthy relationship is built on trust, honesty, and open communication.
  3. Emotional safety: You should feel safe and supported in your relationship, not constantly worried about being hurt or betrayed.

May I suggest you :

  1. Take time to reflect: Give yourself space to process your emotions and consider what you want for your future.
  2. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for guidance and emotional support.
  3. Prioritise self-care: Focus on your physical, emotional, and mental well-being during this challenging time.
  4. Encourage him to seek help explaining to him that his habit is interfering with your relationship with him.

Please know that you deserve to be loved, respected, and valued in a relationship. Don’t settle for anything less. Be compassionate to yourself always. :heart: