hey guys its me again… firstly id like to start of by thanking you guys for your comments left on the past previous posts, i really appreciate them.
ive actually been struggling with my mental health since last june and it got really bad when i uploaded those but its gotten better this year and ive done something about it. i genuinely felt happier recently until now.
i just found out something that my partner was hiding from me and wasnt planning to tell me at all. this hurt me really bad. its almost equivalent to cheating… he roleplays with his friends online and says very, very endearing terms to them (opposite gender) and even joked about leaving me to a girl that liked him. they were talking bad about me all the time and i just feel so betrayed. and the reason they even talk like this about me was because of my mental health, how i was struggling to keep clean and fight dark thoughts. but i was trying so fking hard, i am just a girl trying to help myself and make my partner happy but made him feel helpless in the process. i cant even believe him if he says hes sorry or if he loves me… weve already talked this out and he says he regrets doing all this to me and that i didnt deserve this pain. we also had quite a huge fight 2 weeks before this but its solved. everytime i think of this “cheating” it hurts… especially to someone who you know has clear interest in you and you still entertain them…
hes already apologised a ■■■■ ton and im already numb over it. i know it takes time to heal but it hurts so much now, i dont know what the first step to take is. i dont know how to allow myself to heal, or even get to forgive and trust him again. now that ive found this out, combined with all my school pressure and workload, i might really just become suicidal or relapse back again. ive already made a promise to myself and him not to cut myself again, but thinking of how he betrayed me when i trusted him with my whole life… i feel so sick.
i know you guys are gonna ask me to find a hobby to do, ive really tried so hard at that. ive tried so many fking things im tired. i genuinely dont feel joy anymore and i dont know how to stop this feeling…
Dear @throwawayacc
I’m sad to hear that you’re feeling this way, and I want you to know that your pain is very valid. What you’re going through is incredibly heavy, and it’s okay to feel hurt, betrayed, and overwhelmed. You’ve been trying so hard to fight for your mental health, and the fact that you’re here, expressing yourself and reaching out, shows how strong you are—even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
Let’s break this down step by step because healing from betrayal while dealing with mental health struggles and external pressures like school is a lot to carry all at once. You don’t have to go through this alone.
1. Acknowledge Your Pain Without Judgment
It’s okay to feel heartbroken, angry, or even numb. Betrayal from someone you trust deeply can shake your sense of security and self-worth. Remind yourself that you are not at fault for his actions. His choices reflect his own shortcomings, not your worth or effort in the relationship.
2. Focus on Your Safety and Mental Health First
You mentioned feeling suicidal or fearing relapse. This is a sign that you need immediate support. Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional as soon as possible.
It’s also important to let someone close to you—like a family member or friend—know how you’re feeling so they can check in on you.
3. Decide What You Need From Your Partner
It sounds like your partner’s actions have deeply hurt your trust and sense of safety in the relationship. While he has apologised, it’s okay if you’re not ready to forgive or trust him yet—or even at all. Forgiveness is a process, not an obligation.
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel safe emotionally with him right now?
- Can I see myself rebuilding trust with him over time?
- What boundaries do I need to set to protect myself?
If the relationship feels like it’s causing more harm than good right now, it might be worth considering taking a step back to focus on yourself.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
You’ve been trying so hard—fighting dark thoughts, working on hobbies, and pushing through school pressure—and it’s certainly okay to admit that you’re exhausted. Healing doesn’t mean constantly staying busy or forcing yourself to feel happy; it means allowing yourself space to process emotions without guilt.
5. Lean on Support Systems
Even if it feels like no one understands what you’re going through, there are people who care about you and want to help. If opening up feels hard because of fear of pity or judgment, start small:
- Share how you’re feeling with one trusted friend or family member.
If talking feels impossible right now, even just being around others can remind you that you are not alone.
6. Take It One Day at a Time
Healing isn’t linear—it’s messy and unpredictable—but every small step matters. For now:
- Focus on getting through today. Break tasks into tiny steps (e.g., “I’ll study for 10 minutes”)
- Celebrate small wins (e.g., “I got out of bed,” “I ate something,” “I didn’t hurt myself today”).
You’ve already achieved so much and shown incredible strength by working on yourself and reaching out here. It’s okay if things feel unbearable right now—this pain won’t last forever. Healing takes time, but it is possible.
Please don’t give up on yourself. You deserve love, respect, and happiness—not just from others but from yourself too. Reach out for help when you need it; there’s no shame in leaning on others during tough times.
You’re not alone in this fight—please know you’ve got people rooting for you every step of the way.