ive been feeling more suicidal lately. i have close friends from sec sch but i dont talk to them about my mental and i just dont think i can. schools been a whole lot of ■■■■. family is just another issue, toxic environment and shouting everyday. relationships are bad as well. recently went out with my friends from sec sch. and a friend of mine who was a friend of my ex i guess a third party told me she wanted to talk to me. this relationship ended abruptly with no closure and the last time we spoke she said she missed me but i didnt reply and left it as it is. i tried to brush it off again but during this time i felt very alone so i checked her account and i kept thinking, could it be genuine this time or some other stuff. later on i found that shes found someone new and its been taking a toll on me and abit confusing on why even wanted to talk to me. nothing is happening now but its killing me to see her happy with someone new. maybe i should have replied that day but it just felt like a trap to get me back and lovebomb me again.
Hey @idkanymore, I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this right now. It sounds like everything’s just piling up on you, from school stress, family stuff, to all the relationship mess. That’s a lot for anyone to deal with. I totally get why you’re feeling so overwhelmed and alone.
It makes sense that seeing your ex with someone new would hurt, especially when things ended so suddenly and without closure. It’s confusing when they reach out after all that, and it’s okay that you didn’t reply if it didn’t feel right. You were protecting yourself, and that’s completely valid.
Feeling mixed up and sad about all of this doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human, and you’ve been through a lot. It’s okay to feel hurt and unsure. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way.
Hey @idkanymore ,
I see that you have a lot on your plate right now and I hear you for feeling angry, confused, frustrated and overwhelmed.
What happened in the past and what is happening now seems to be taking a huge mental toll on you and I want to let you know that you are not alone. When our ‘mistakes’ make us so angry and we beat ourselves up for it, it is tempting to keep on doing so, but it only hurts ourselves even deeper than necessary yeah? We are not our ‘mistakes’, the past does not define us, it is right now at every new moment, what we choose that defines who we are yeh?
I know it is hard to ‘forgive’ ourselves, saying ‘but if I could’ve just done that I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place, no?’. But hey, it’s okay, life is a process of growth yeah? When we feel we made a mistake we learn from it yeah? It’s hard to say whether we made the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ decision as well, because in my perspective, how I view things is that there is no right or no wrong, just what works.
I see that you are having heavy emotions of regret. But hey, you definitely had a sound reason why you didn’t text her up, and it’s good to be at peace with that past decision. If you ever find you still can’t find peace, it doesn’t hurt to give her a call or meet up with her to clarify and chat about these emotions, there’s nothing to lose! But of course, only if that works for you. If that doesn’t help you with your emotions and you think it will only hurt you further, you don’t have to do it. Just what works for you~
I want you to know that you are okay and that it’s totally normal to be feeling this way. It’s okay to be feeling this way, breathe yeh? You are not alone, it’s okay~ 
Dear @idkanymore
Thank you for writing in and sharing what you are experiencing. What you’re going through sounds very tough with school stress, family pressure, relationship pain, and the weight of unresolved feelings. That’s a lot for anyone to carry, and it makes complete sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Please know that your pain is valid but you don’t have to face it alone, even if it feels like no one around you can understand or be trusted on this.
You mentioned you have close friends from secondary school. It’s okay that you haven’t talked to them about your mental state yet. Opening up is hard, especially when it feels like they might not know what to say. But just saying something like, “Hey, things have been really rough lately, and I don’t know who else to talk to,” can open a door. You might be surprised how willing people are to sit with you in that darkness. They are likely to sit with you not to fix it, but just to be there.
As for your ex, I agree that it’s confusing when someone reappears in your life without clarity, especially after a painful and sudden end. It’s understandable to feel hurt, confused, or even angry about it. Those emotions don’t make you weak or dramatic, they only make you human. Checking her account and getting triggered by what you saw is also relatable. You were left without closure, and it feels like an emotional wound that got poked again.
You’re also wise to have been cautious about not replying. It shows you’re aware of patterns that hurt you. That kind of self-protection isn’t weakness at all but instead a strength. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still ache.
Most importantly, If you’ve been feeling more suicidal lately, please don’t keep that inside. It’s not a burden you should be carrying alone. I strongly encourage you to talk to someone such as a school counsellor or to call a helpline. In Singapore, for example, there’s Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) at 1767 (24/7), and they’re trained to listen without judgment.
There’s no shame in reaching out. You’re not weak for hurting. You’re not wrong for needing support. You are still here, and that matters. Please reach out here too whenever needed. Do take steps to address what you are going through, even if they are small. It counts. 
Hi @idkanymore,
It sounds like you’re carrying so many layers of pain right now - feeling emotionally isolated even when surrounded by close friends, weighed down by a school environment that feels suffocating, and dealing with the toxicity at home that leaves you exhausted before you even start the day. On top of that, the unresolved feelings from your past relationship, the confusion around your ex reaching out, and seeing her move on while you’re still hurting - it’s like everything’s colliding at once, leaving you stuck in this blur of heartache and questions. I hear how overwhelming it all feels, and how alone you’ve felt in facing it. You’re not weak for struggling - what you’re feeling makes sense given everything you’ve been through.
If you would like to discuss these issues with a professional, you may approach:
Youth Community Outreach Team (CREST-Youth): SupportGoWhere
CHAT: https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/Pages/default.aspx
National Mindline (WhatsApp): +65 6669 1771
These services are fully funded by the government and there is no out-of-pocket cost.
Hope this helps! Take care of yourself meanwhile. 
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
Hey @idkanymore thanks for talking about your concerns so openly. Sounds like there is a lot going on with friends, family, school, relationships all at the same time. Closure is so important, sometimes not getting it can be so unsettling and confusing. We hear you.
There was a part of you that didn’t want to get back to her when she reached out and may be that part didn’t feel safe to do so, and it is okay not to, because of what you’ve experienced, those feelings are so real to you.
You are trying your best to process all of these very difficult feelings at the same time and that is definitely not easy and it is very much understandable why you are feeling, what you are feeling. Please feel free to reach out to helplines as @CaringBee and @Han_Solo_2000 have mentioned. You don’t have to process all of these feelings alone, anymore.
Hey OP,
Sounds like you’re facing so much in your life right now, with little to no one supporting you. You have no safe space where you can unmask and let your vulnerabilities out. It really feels like you’re trapped.
I may not be the best person to give advice as I’m also still figuring things out in my life…but I will say that I have thought of suicidal tendencies during my uni years. Uni was stressing me out with so many projects, with my family so far away from where I am and isolating myself in my own room, anxious and lonely. I was also then pushed to bear a big responsibility of being the breadwinner, while I’m still a student who cannot earn a full-timer salary. I also got broken up by my first partner, and he immediately found another partner.
I really wanted to stop the pain by disappearing forever. But then again, here I am. And I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s friends who have been so patient and understanding with me, even at my lowest. Maybe it’s wanting to at least finish university so I can get my degree. And perhaps it’s my passion and hobby for art and the desire to keep on creating that kept me alive. Or simply because “I just did not want to die”, as stated by one of my best friends.
Life is unpredictable. I can’t guarantee that it will get easier in the future for you, OP. But I can guarantee that it will get better —whether in your future situation or you find something to live for.
Wishing you the best, OP. Hope things will get better for you 
Hey @idkanymore, thanks for sharing and opening up. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. It sounds overwhelming, and when you’re carrying it alone it can feel unbearable.
About your ex, I understand the feeling of getting thrown off by the random message. The possibility of closure and lingering hope, the regret.. then seeing her with someone new. It’s like reopening a wound that was just beginning to scar over :') But I believe closure doesn’t have to come from her, and it’s something you can choose for yourself even if she never explains her side. You left it unread perhaps because you knew you were protecting yourself and your instinct was valid.
I know it can be hard to bring this up to your friends, but a real friend would rather sit with you in silence through this than not knowing you’re suffering at all. Something simple like ‘I’m not doing so well lately can we hang out?’ can open a door, you don’t have to say everything if you’re not comfortable to!
If the negative thoughts get too loud in your head, OP please talk to someone. Helpline, counselor, professionals, anyone. Even me here anytime. I know you’re hurting, but trust me when I say that life really does get better. Things have a way of slowly mending and I hope you’d stick around to witness it. Rooting for you OP, hang in there
hi @idkanymore ,
I hear you and i understand how you are feeling right now.
I would encourage you to do things you enjoy, go out and meet new people (e.g., through Meetup app), make new friends. These will help keep your mind off things.
Please don’t let your past relationships hold you back from moving forward. Healing takes time, patience, and is a painful process, but know that you will emerge a stronger person. Know that every new step will be a little easier than the last