Am i doing well?

Ask a Therapist Coping
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life hasn’t been good lately… and i just live everyday without thinking much about it but it hits alot more harder when i sit somewhere quietly and my brain will start spiraling… maybe i have been busying myself that i don’t have time to seat with my emotions… this days it seems like tuesday is where my anxiety flare up… hence it causes me to miss my tuesday class alot more than i expected.. its not that i never try but i did try and end up u-turning back home instead of going to school… i did try didnt i? and thats okay right?

these days sadly the thoughts of self harming is becoming alot more than i expected and its abit scary not gonna lie…because i may rlly act on it one day without me realising or anything and thats is scary its like its not me but then im in so much pain… again today is another Tuesday i didnt attend classes and my mom cant seem to understand and instead of being understanding she says something along the line of “can die like that i will go back aunt house and leave u alone”… and how am i even supposed to take that in well? how am i supposed to be understanding of what she says? and yea that triggers something badly in me that i just thought maybe today i should end it all…. im trying my best to stay alive amidst issue happening at home everyday, school, friends, etc but idk anymore? my parents make me question whether do i really matter alot in this family? they seem to always be talking about my brother this and that and i shouldn’t burden my brother when he is already handling his family and marriage stuff… what about me? why can’t u understand me too? is it that hard?

am i doing well? have i been doing well? to keep myself sane and safe? do i matter?

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Hi @byul,

Hope that you are coping better since we last heard from you… It shows you were doing what you could with the energy you had, even if others can’t see that. It sounds like the loneliness has been heavy, especially when things get quiet and your mind starts spiralling. When someone keeps themselves busy to avoid their emotions, everything can hit harder the moment they stop.

It makes sense that Tuesday has become a difficult day. Something about it is triggering your fear or anxiety. I’m gently wondering if it is about school, something there, or the pressure of leaving home when your mood is already low.

It also takes courage to turn back home instead of forcing yourself through panic. That shows you were listening to your limits, not giving up.

It is worrying that the self-harm thoughts are becoming more frequent. The way you described it — “it’s not me” — sounds like you’re scared of losing control.
That fear usually shows up when someone feels cornered with no solution they can see. It must have stung when your mom said “can die like that.”
Anyone hearing that, while already struggling, would feel hurt and misunderstood. It doesn’t sound like she knows how to support someone dealing with depression or anxiety, and her reactions are adding pressure instead of easing it. It’s also clear you’ve been carrying stress from home, school, and relationships all at once, it shows how much you’ve been holding in your own strength. I am curious, did you share with your mom about what you are going through?

If you haven’t tried to tell anyone, it makes sense you’re questioning whether you matter in your family. Being compared to your brother or told not to burden him can make anyone feel invisible. Your wish for someone at home to understand you is a real and human need.

It also makes sense you’re asking if you’re doing well. From what you’ve shared, you’ve been doing the best you can under very tough conditions. I see the effort in every step you’ve taken to keep yourself safe. If the self-harm thoughts feel like they might turn into action, please reach out to SOS 1-767 or Mindline 1771 (WhatsApp 6669-1771).
You can simply tell them you’re scared you might hurt yourself, and they will help you stay safe.

For now, do reach out for help getting through today. You matter, even if the people around you are not showing it clearly. And we’re here, holding space with you as you figure out the next small step forward.

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i did but she’s not very understanding about it, its the old people mentality where she view it as weaknesses should i say? and she just doesn’t understand why im going through this or cannot go through this when she has it worst?.. she view it as i always wants to give up and have it easier way… like i always whine about it this and that so yea… i stop opening up to her but just tell the surface of what’s happening but not really into it…

it is about school… i fallout with a friend who now is in the same class and module as me… i still find it difficult to turn up because of that like i cannot bear the pain i will feel when i see her cause the reason of fall out is mainly cause of my mistake… and after what happened with me and her.. i distant myself from my friends who is friends with her too cause idk i think myself sooo much of a bad person… and that i just don’t deserve good things… and yea i just have no friends in school now i think…which makes the semester even more lonely and i don’t like that loneliness… its just too painful for me to bear even if its just for an hour of classes…. hence why i have been avoiding school alot….and i know i shouldn’t

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Hey @byul ,

Thank you for sharing all these difficult feelings and what you’ve been going through. It sounds like its hasn’t been easy dealing with the anxiety and negative thoughts. On top of that, there have been stresses at school and at home that have been adding more pressure and stress on you, to the point that you felt self harming may help. I wanted to start off by saying that you’ve been doing a great job in holding on and doing your best.

It certainly takes courage to listen to yourself instead of forcing yourself to do something that causes you stress, even of that is seen as the norm. So I felt that you turning back home instead of going to school due to what happened with your friend takes a lot of courage to do. After all, we’re human, and there are times that we may need a break, and that’s completely alright :slightly_smiling_face:

I also hear that your mom doesn’t seem understanding towards what you’re going through. It’s understandable that anyone hearing that from their own parent would feel hurt, and it would make you question whether what you’re going through is valid. It also sounds like what happened at school with your friend is also causing you pain and making you see yourself as a bad person. What you’re feeling and going through is valid, including the struggles you’re facing and how it makes you feel. You’re not weak because you feel anxious or you’re going through a challenging time. You’re not a bad person because of what happened with your friend or from how your mom treats you. There are times when we cannot control the situations around us or how others react to us. And even if we messed up, it’s completely fine to do so. We’re human after all. I don’t think there’s anyone in this whole world that hasn’t made a mistake before in their lives. In fact, I’ve made many mistakes too. I think it all boils down to how we bounce back from them. But I understand there are times when we may need help to do so, and that’s fine too. That’s part of learning resilience for ourselves I guess, which brings me to the next part.

Would you be open to seeking professional help for what you’re going through? If seeing a professional outside of school is not possible, maybe you could look for your school’s counsellor? I hear that school is something that will trigger your anxiety, so maybe you could try going other than on Tuesdays? Additionally, if you feel it may be helpful, you could try taking time off school to deal with what you’re going through. Lastly, if the self-harm thoughts that you’ve been having feel like they might turn into action, please do not hesitate to reach out to the below contacts:
SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1-767
SOS 24-hour WhatsApp Chat: 9151 1767 (Share on WhatsApp)
IMH ​24-hour Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222
National Mindline helpline: 1771 (phone call) or +65 6669 1771 (WhatsApp)

You matter, even if you feel the people around you are not showing that to you. And if you feel you need to talk to someone, know that we’ll be here for you :heart:

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Hey @byul,

When you shared about stopping yourself from opening up because it only leads to judgement already tells me something important, you’ve been managing your emotions mostly on your own, and you’ve lasted this long doing it. It shows you have a kind of strength that doesn’t look loud, but shows up in the way you keep trying even when the environment around you isn’t supportive.

It also stands out how clearly you understand your limits. The fact that you turned back home instead of forcing yourself into a situation that would make you spiral shows good awareness, not weakness. A lot of people push themselves until they break, but you paused before reaching that point, and that’s something worth recognising.

It’s also clear you care deeply about the people around you. You took responsibility for the fallout, you felt guilty, and you stepped back because you didn’t want to cause more tension. Not everyone has that level of conscience or empathy, and it says something about the kind of person you are.

It makes sense that school feels heavy right now, especially when the social part of it has changed so sharply. Taking a temporary step back, or pacing yourself, isn’t failure.
Sometimes the system needs a breather so the mind can settle and the body can reset. Breaks aren’t giving up, they’re recovery time.

It also sounds like you’ve been trying to hold home stress, school stress, and loneliness all at once. The fact that you’re still showing up here, still explaining, still reflecting, that is not someone who has given up. That is someone who is tired and deserves space to recover.

It might help to remind yourself that this one chapter doesn’t define your whole life.
People fall out, people misunderstand, and people sometimes say things that hurt, but none of that means you stop deserving good things or start becoming a “bad” person. The part of you that keeps trying, even when things feel messy, is worth noticing.

As mentioned, please reach out to Mindline 1771 (WhatsApp 6669-1771). You don’t need to explain everything; just saying “I feel unsafe today” is enough.

For now, it’s perfectly okay to take things slower. It’s okay to choose days to rest and days to try. It’s okay to let your system breathe. You’ve been carrying more than most people realise, and you’re still here, and that says a lot about you.

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thank you for always saying nice things when i don’t see it myself and just don’t understand why i deserve nice things.. again and again thank you for giving me hope for surviving and trying.. regarding school i have decided to take time off and idk figure things out and/or go take care of my mental health before deciding to come back or never… my course head push this idea to me as she realises how much im actually suffering and its taking a toll… but idk if i will regret it badly later..but even so i will just not regret and say its something i badly need for the sake of being sane again… and to focus again…

thank you for knowledging my feelings too and understanding when people around me just doesn’t understand why im suffering or why do i make such choices either….

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Hey @byul ,

I’m glad to hear that you’re taking steps to make yourself better. That usually requires us to take steps that are different from others which may not be easy. But it takes a lot of courage to do so, and you have it!

In the past, I also took time off school due to some mental health challenges and I can say I’m in a better place now, doing more things that I want to do and able to better manage the difficult thoughts and emotions when they come back at times. I’m glad I made the decision to take the time off, even if that made me one year behind my cohort.

All the best and know that if you need someone to talk to, we’re here for you :heart:

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