Dear @User_A
Thank you for reaching out and sharing what has been going on in your life. What you have shared is exhausting to bear, especially at 17.
It sounds like you’re caught in a situation where you’re having to take on a lot of adult responsibilities as a caregiver for your dad but you are still being treated as if you have no control over your own life. That tug-of-war between responsibility and lack of agency is understandably stressful, and it can make small daily things feel overwhelming.
The cycle you describe of procrastinating arises as you wait and anticipate what your father may ask you to do. I believe it impacts you in that you are not able to think or plan for your own needs as dad’s needs may suddenly arise and may need immediate attention. Understandably this constant mode of being on stand by is paralysing. I believe procrastination behaviour is the brain reacting to feeling trapped and powerless.
I can see there how painful the uncertainty and loss of control in your life at the moment. I believe you are only being human in seeking out an outlet to release the pain you are in.
Cutting may be an outlet to momentarily relieve the pain, but please know you do not deserve to hurt yourself. Please also know that you are not a burden for struggling.
May I gently suggest you reach out someone you can trust such as a school counsellor, a teacher or a close friend. I know this may feel awkward or risky, but having another human hear you without judgment can make a difference. You do not need to face this alone. When you reach out to a professional, you may also find other avenues of support available for your father.
Meanwhile, whenever you’re feeling the urge to self-harm, please call the crisis contacts such as 1771 with urgency.
Do also consider the following coping strategies for moments when things feel too much. These are some small, practical things you can try when the feelings get overwhelming or when you feel the urge to hurt yourself. These aren’t “fixes,” but they can give your mind and body a safer outlet until the wave passes.
A)Grounding & calming techniques (for intense moments)
- 5–4–3–2–1 grounding. Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. This forces your brain into the present moment.
- Box breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat at least 3–4 rounds.
- Ice cube trick. Hold an ice cube in your hand or press it to your face. The sharp cold gives a strong sensation without harming you.
B)Safe physical release for emotional build-up Sometimes you need to feel something physically. Some less harmful alternatives are:
- Snap a rubber band gently on your wrist.
- Hold something rough (stone, sandpaper, pinecone) and focus on the texture.
- Do a short burst of intense exercise such as push-ups, sit ups or running in place, until you feel your heart pounding.
C)Distraction & redirecting focus
- Put on loud music and sing or hum along.
- Write out everything you feel in messy handwriting, then rip up the paper.
D)Long-term habits that may slowly help include to
- Keep a tiny “escape plan” for stressful days. Perhaps a safe spot (library, café, friend’s place) you can go to for a few hours when you can.
- Schedule at least one thing a week just for you, even if it’s small like watching a show alone or doodling.
- If possible, let at least one person (teacher, friend, cousin) know you’ve been struggling. It doesn’t need to be the full story. Just saying“I’m having a hard time” can open a door for support.
You don’t need to do all of these. Even one small shift can be a start.
I laud that you reached out here. It means you’ve already taken a step to break out of the cycle you are in. Do keep reaching out here for support whenever needed. You can see from the responses received to your post that there is a lot of support, and you are not alone.
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