I cried in class today, and I was spending long periods of time locking myself in the toilet. All this happened because I failed an assessment for the first time, and I couldn’t accept it. I stopped focusing in class, cause I couldn’t stop thinking about the impact this would have on me. But this was just the beginning of my problems..
I have only 1 or 2 friends to talk to, which I felt was poor in my opinion given that its been 6 months since i started uni. Everywhere i go, im surrounded by big groups of people, chattering and laughing away. Whenever i see this, im thinking “why do i not have this yet? Am i late to it?”. Such environments stresses me out, because it reminds me about my loneliness.
Additionally, I also struggle to socialise with others. I can participate in most conversations, but if people speak too fast or there’s so much background noise, i easily tune out and just can’t process what they said. Reading people is also difficult, as I’m slow to reading facial expressions. There will be cases where I say something that interrupts the flow of the conversation, or I say something that is completely untrue. These reasons make it difficult to sustain friendships, and these fears also make me nervous when I try to add to the conversation.
All of this is like an endless cycle, I hope to get some advice on how I should proceed from here. Thanks
Hey @awaredragonfruit494 , I hear your concerns about academics and friendships. These are all very real problems people face anywhere, not just in university, but also in workplaces as well. Oftentimes, we feel left out, especially when we see others having large friend groups or when others always have people they can talk to. In comparison, we seem so lonely. I would like to reassure you that these feelings are actually very, very common, and that you are not alone. The struggle to socialise is also very real, especially when we are slightly more introverted (our slowness in processing what others are saying, or responding to what others say), which makes us look less ‘fun’ to talk to, as compared to the more extroverted people.
But can I suggest that you do a little reframing of your situation? This is not to say that your struggles are not valid, but I do feel that there could be another angle you can attempt to look at your situation.
Here is my 2 cents. First, you do have 1-2 friends you can talk to! Quality > quantity. Oftentimes, we think people with large friend groups are contented and kept accompanied and never lonely. But they can be very lonely too, to be surrounded by lots of people, but actually nobody to really pour their hearts out to. If you think about those 1-2 friends you have, are they people you can truly trust and enjoy hanging out with? If the answer is yes, I think you have hit the jackpot. It is not easy to find such friends, especially as you grow up. Second, is it possible that the people you are trying to ‘socialise’ with, or ‘participate in conversation’ with, are not people who you can really vibe well? Sometimes, when we find our clique, it really doesn’t take much to be able to join in conversations. It’s like how it is almost impossible for someone who dislikes sports to join in a conversation about football. It is not that the person can’t talk or socialise, it’s just that the topic does not allow any form of meaningful conversation. What do you think? Sometimes, a little perspective taking and reframing could help! All the best.
Hi there, thanks for sharing something so personal. I’m really sorry that today felt so overwhelming. Failing an assessment for the first time can hit hard, especially when you care about doing well. It’s understandable that your mind kept going back to it and made it hard to focus.
As for friendships, six months into uni is honestly still early. Many people take much longer to find their circle, and having one or two genuine friends is not something to feel ashamed of. The big groups you see can make it feel like you’re behind, but everyone’s timeline is different.
The social difficulties you described, like struggling with fast conversations or background noise, would make anyone feel nervous about joining in. That doesn’t mean you can’t build friendships. It might just help to focus on smaller, quieter interactions like one-to-one chats or study partners where conversations move at a slower pace.
You’re dealing with a lot of pressure right now, academically and socially. If you can, reaching out to a university counselor or advisor could really help you sort through both the stress and practical next steps. One tough day or one failed assessment doesn’t define you or your future. Be gentle with yourself while you find your footing:)
about the friendship part, having 1 or 2 friends after 6 months in uni isnt being behind at all!! big groups can look really cool from the outside, but having a lot of people can make it harder to form close friendships, and sometimes people just form friend groups for convenience’s sake. although u may not have huge groups of friends, im sure your connection to these 1 or 2 friends is way better than it wouldve been if yall were in a large circle
and for socialising, i understand totally how it can be really stressful! fast speech + background noise would make anyone blank out, and it’s really anxiety inducing when you’re trying to keep up while also worrying about saying the wrong thing.
small advice i can think of:
try quieter settings, like one-to-one talks, instead of big noisy places
if you miss something in a convo, it’s okay to ask for a repeat or just respond to the part you caught
thanks for your support guys, i went to lower my expectations and just appreciate the one or two friends that i have right now. i feel so much happier to be in school and my mental has improved since :))
