I don’t know, I’ve been dealing with so many things and I just don’t know what to do. I get panic attacks and last week was just a tough, so I don’t know what was going on in my head at that time but I punched a wall and it was supposed to hurt right? But I honestly felt like I deserved it, so I did it again and again. Surely that’s not healthy. But I don’t know. It’s turning into abit of a coping mechanism I guess? Whenever I have a panic attacks I just get angry after. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I’m angry, but scared. I’m not even angry at anyone, just myself. I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.
But the thing is, asking for help is not that easy. Past experiences with counselors did not go very well. I also don’t want people to think I’m crazy, the only people I’ve seen who go to the counselors are the quiet kids, the ones with no friends. I don’t know.
I have spoken out to my friends about this, but it honestly took a lot for me to open up to people. I still find it extremely difficult. And even if I do open up, I just cover up how damaged I am with laughter and jokes. I mean the topic itself is not funny but adding some humour makes it easier for me to redirect the topic if I decide to bail on the conversation.
I just need advice. Should I talk to a counselor? I don’t want to do it during school hours though. I hate the thought of having to walk out of class with a counselor. I could ask if there are after school slots. Maybe not. I’m on the fence about this whole “counselor" thing.