Social anxiety, or not?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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Hey everyone!

Today, let’s learn a little bit about what social anxiety is like!

It’s more than just being shy. It’s when everyday things (like talking to someone new, answering a question in class, or joining a group) feel scary and overwhelming, and your heart races, your mind spirals, and sometimes… you just avoid it all.

:face_with_spiral_eyes: Social Anxiety Starter Pack:

– “Should I say hi? Too late. Now it’s weird.”
– Replays convos in your head like it’s a Netflix series.
– Wants to join in but overthinks every little move.
– Mentally prepares to speak… then panics.
– “What if I sound weird?” Brain: yes. Reality: no one noticed.

You’re not being dramatic. It’s real! and a lot more common than you think.

Drop a :face_with_peeking_eye: if you’ve ever overthought a “hi” or avoided something because you were scared to be judged.

And if you’ve found ways to cope, please share them below. You might help someone who’s silently struggling :blue_heart:

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:face_with_peeking_eye: I’ve kinda had a little social anxiety too. I was always a shy child—during new years I’d hide behind my parents and just mouth greetings, hoping people would understand I meant well even if I couldn’t say it aloud. Over time, I sorta gave up trying too hard. I realised it’s good to push myself, but also important to be kind to myself and know when to rest. If something’s not that important, it’s okay not to step out.

Back then, I try my best to smile and look pleasant even if I don’t make direct eye contact—just doing what I can within my comfort zone to stay polite while also protecting my peace. When I was younger, I was too scared to ask for things or look people in the eye, and my parents often pointed it out. It took years, but I worked on it little by little. The cool part? I got better at emotional regulation and reading people—and I even ended up holding important leadership roles in school!

I’ve learnt that growth takes resilience and lots of small steps outside the comfort zone. But I always stay aware of how far I’m stretching myself. Even now, there are social moments that feel uncomfortable, and when my energy’s low, I don’t force it.

Also yes—pretending people aren’t looking? Surprisingly helpful. They probably aren’t! And if they are, maybe they’re admiring you—or not judging at all. And even if they judge, how does that actually affect you? That’s how I talk myself through anxious moments now.

Still, anxiety can creep back. And when it does, it’s okay to retreat and reset. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses—so what if others see ours? We’ve got strengths too, even if we forget sometimes. Getting exposed to more situations helps. I do a kind of “fake it till you learn it” thing—not just surface acting, but observing confident people and taking in what works for me. Mental prep before social situations helps too.

We’re all just figuring it out at our own pace.

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Hi @knd!

This is so beautifully said, you’ve clearly done a lot of deep reflection and growth!:orange_heart: It’s amazing how you honour your limits while still finding ways to gently stretch them. That balance takes real self-awareness :slight_smile:

I love what you shared about the mouthing greetings as a child? That really tugged at me. It’s a sweet reminder that even the quietest efforts carry meaning.

I’m curious, what kind of mental prep works best for you before social situations? And when you do take leadership roles or step up in social settings, what helps you feel grounded in the moment?

Also… how do you talk to your younger self now when that shy, anxious part shows up again?

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Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words!

I think what helps most before social situations is gently naming the nerves without judgment. I try to visualise the space I’ll be in, anticipate the kind of energy I want to bring, and give myself small, manageable intentions rather than big expectations.

I often visualise and imagine how a social situation could go. If I have a goal or intention for the interaction (rather than just engaging in small talk), it becomes easier to focus and navigate toward that outcome. I just tell myself to be confident—it feels a bit like holding my breath for a while, but it works.

When it comes to small talk, I shift my mindset to learning more about the other person or finding ways to value-add through positivity. I focus the conversation on them, listen actively, smile, and nod. That gives me time to collect myself while they speak, and then I ask follow-up questions. People usually enjoy talking about themselves anyway. When I do speak, I try to relate to the person and keep things positive and meaningful.

I also rely on a lot of cognitive reasoning. I remind myself that if I mess up, there are billions of people on the planet—it’s okay if one interaction doesn’t go well. If someone doesn’t like me, that’s alright too. Everyone makes mistakes, and most of the time, others don’t even notice. A confident friend of mine once told me his secret to leading as a chairperson: he just does it. Even if he makes a mistake, no one can tell. That stuck with me.

My preparation usually involves that kind of reasoning, along with planning—why I’m having the conversation (even just hanging out for fun or wellbeing counts!), what kind of energy I want to bring (usually confidence, positivity, and warmth), and letting go of strict expectations. I don’t expect specific reactions from others, so I’m okay with however it turns out, knowing I’ve done the prep and anchored my intention.

When I take on leadership roles, I ground myself by shifting the focus outward—reminding myself it’s not about being perfect, but about being present and helping others feel safe or seen. Sometimes, I fidget with a necklace or something near my heart during discussions. It helps me draw my attention inward, almost like a quiet form of self-consoling.

For public speaking, a lot of pre-preparation helps: knowing what I need to do, visualising how I’ll carry it out, and then giving myself a small internal push—“Just be confident for a while and do it.”

And when that younger, more anxious part of me shows up, I honestly find it kind of sweet. It’s not wrong to be scared. Social interaction may not come as easily to me as it does for others, but the fact that I care about it—that I’ve grown—is what matters most.