This is a problem

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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I get scared and nauseous when I try to or think about talking to people I don’t know and having back and forth interactions. I call myself an introvert but surely there’s a fine line between that and everything beyond :disappointed_face:

With the tremendous luck I’ve had in triggering a conversation today.. I got scared of losing presumably the only opportunity I had at friendship and it didn’t feel like myself talking to them. Just a bit fake, feeling like I’ll never have anyone I can be close to outside my family even if I talk to people I call close friends.

All I want is someone who will watch Howl’s moving

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I accidentally pressed the post button before I was done and that blunder made me sigh and almost crash out icl…

But i was too scared to do anything abt the wrongly posted post except continue here after it gets posted. Scared of what I’m not sure, though fear is irrational n im irrationally scared abt many things i think

All I want is to watch howls moving castle every night with someone :man_standing: is that possible or a fever dream

I don’t even have a best friend, and I can’t make conversations with the people with similar interests as me (my close friends)

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say I deem myself an alien anymore. Everyday I wonder if anyone would notice if I left. It’s getting tiring to wake up and feel farther and farther from humanity. The daydreams I used to distract myself with are like my lifeline now, I doubt I could live without dreaming of living normally. Or rather, normal life outside mine.

My mother read a note I wrote after I asked her not to, she told me I have to stop dreaming.. unfortunately, I know. Im not trying to talk back, I know. Though I just can’t fix myself by willing it to stop

Help :smiling_face_with_tear:

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Hey, just wanted to say that I feel you. what you wrote is so real, brave, and open :heart_hands:

Social stuff can be hard, especially when our brain makes it feel huge and scary. that doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this stuck, even if it’s been this way for a while… you’re not an alien , you are human even if it comes with struggling feelings. You just haven’t met your people yet.
Importantly, the fact that you want connection and that you’re trying -that matters.

I think the right people won’t mind a bit of awkwardness or fear. they’ll stick around anyway. You won’t always have to try so hard to be understood. You’ll just be, and they’ll get it :slightly_smiling_face:

You deserve people who make you feel safe just being you…they’re out there, even if it takes time to find them.

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I dont unds ur 2nd paragraph. Anw, exposure therapy will ease ur anxiety. U can practice w me if u want

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Hey @raw_meat,

It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of fear and uncertainty about social interactions. The way you feel disconnected, even from those you call close friends, can be so isolating, and I can hear how painful it is to feel that way. It’s understandable to feel unsure about yourself when you’re struggling with these feelings of loneliness and fear. I appreciate you sharing this with me.

You’ve mentioned that talking to people, especially strangers, makes you feel scared and nauseous, and it sounds like this fear often makes you doubt your ability to connect. When you describe feeling like your conversations aren’t truly ‘you,’ it might be a sign that these interactions are causing you to feel like you’re not fully expressing yourself. It’s also clear that you feel stuck, like you can’t form meaningful connections beyond your family. Does this resonate with what you’re experiencing? Do you recall a time when you first started to feel this way?"

I can sense how much you’re longing for connection, for someone who shares your interests and will be there with you. It’s okay to feel like this, and it’s okay to let these feelings sit for a while. Sometimes, feeling disconnected doesn’t just go away—it stays with us for a while, and that’s all right. You don’t have to fix it all right now, and it’s important to let yourself feel and process this.

What I want to highlight is how much you are seeking to understand yourself and your needs. Your ability to express how you’re feeling, even through your fears and doubts, shows incredible self-awareness. This is a huge strength, even though it might feel like a struggle right now. Wanting a close connection, wanting to share something meaningful with another person like watching a favorite movie, shows your capacity for deep, genuine relationships.

It sounds like you’re feeling really stuck right now, and that’s okay. I want to reassure you that these feelings won’t last forever. You don’t need to force yourself into interactions if you don’t feel ready. Sometimes, just being with the feelings of fear and loneliness can help us understand where they’re coming from. If you feel ready, we can explore small steps that might help you feel more comfortable in connecting with others, at your own pace. But for now, you don’t need to rush anything—healing takes time, and you’re not alone in this.

I hear that you’re questioning whether you’ll ever find someone to connect with, but I want to remind you that there are many people out there who can relate to what you’re feeling. Taking small steps to understand and connect with yourself first can be the beginning of finding that connection.

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Its a very valid fear that you have there,
Often not people say that you’ll “grow” out of this fear and it perpetuates this notion that everything will magically work itself out.

It’s not entirely wrong, but what they fail to emphasize is the countless trials and errors you’ll have to go through in order to get over this fear. You mention “not feeling like yourself” and feeling that the conversation that you had managed to grasp was not represented by your genuine self, but a persona you put on out of fear of losing the potential connection.

I feel you :heart: but I think it’s only human of us to try. The first step to doing anything, in making waves, is to acknowledge
what you want to focus on applying change in. You’re already there:), I’m proud of you.

As much as I want to assure you that there’s a secret to being the best conversationalist. I think that what matters the most is being your true authentic self. Sure, there may be moments where you cringe and grimace over certain actions or words that you felt that could’ve been phrased in a better way. But thats the beauty in it, its all in baby steps to building confidence.
We often portray the nicer sight of our successes and conceal the “uglier” side of achieving that success.

It’s okay to feel like currently, you yearn for connection and a sense of belonging. I assure you, You’ll be able to find the people that are similar to you with time. You matter and you can always reach out to me if you need a friend to talk to. :smiling_face:

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Heyy @raw_meat
Wow, I feel you. Being an introvert during Secondary School, sometimes I just agree with the people around me because I fear being outcasted, & there were also times when I would also think (abit dark but) who will attend my funeral if I pass away the next day (choi). Friendships can be really fragile, & still makes me stress out sometimes, but through my reflections, I realised that friends should be people that are there for you through your ups and downs, not just for survival.
Have you tried being yourself and talking to people? For me, it wasn’t easy finding real friends with my personality (like some people will call me weird or siao hahaha), people who can vibe with me, but I’m really thankful for them to accept me and just be my friends.
You’re a human, with emotions too, definitely not an alien (since they don’t have emotions heehee) embrace your emotions, find out more about yourself, and understand about where your fears / tiredness, etc are coming from…
You are not alone, and there WILL be people out there who will accept you wholly, and love you as you are (& feel free to reach out to watch Howls moving castle tgt haha)
Meanwhile, don’t be afraid to be yourself:)

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I don’t think it’s a dream to make a friend that you feel resonates with you. You’re right that there’s a line between introversion and what might be concerning — the line would be whether it brings you distress. And it does sound like the sensations of being nauseous, fearful, and the feelings of being disconnected are stronger for you?

You’re not an alien, and you’re very human — for wanting connection for having a favourite movie (good taste btw) — but I understand that the feeling of loneliness can create feelings of being isolated and far out from everyone else.

I’m proud of you for having a conversation with someone, even though the moment felt lonely and fake. The experience of doing something we’re not used to or don’t do often can feel foreign. But foreign and discomfort doesn’t mean it’s fake. I hear you had hopes to make a friend and those are some genuine feelings! It’s also normal to start out with small talk and more surface level conversation, and as connections deepen, if a person is a good fit (for sometimes there are people we don’t click with and that’s so so normal), we get more comfortable deeper level conversations!

Be kind to yourself :heart_hands:t2: You did a good job trying to talk to someone. Would you need more support in slowly opening more conversations with others and having social interactions?

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itsokay itll get btr