It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way, but whenever I’m around people I don’t know well, I just can’t seem to think straight. I become awkward, self-conscious, and feel like I suddenly lose the ability to express myself properly. My thoughts get tangled, my words come out jumbled, and I often stutter or fumble over what I want to say.
When I’m alone, it’s completely different. My mind is full of ideas, and I can organize my thoughts clearly. When I’m with people I’m comfortable with, I can joke around, be myself, and speak without overthinking. But around unfamiliar people, I lose confidence and become incredibly insecure.
I constantly worry about whether I said the right thing, whether I sounded strange, or whether people are judging me. I overanalyse every word I say and every action I take. Eventually, I end up staying quiet because it feels safer than risking saying something wrong and embarrassing myself.
I want to get better. I want to be able to express myself openly, start conversations, and make meaningful connections with others. I want to put myself out there and build friendships without feeling so afraid. But staying in my own bubble always feels safer. There, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself or being judged.
At the same time, I’m tired of feeling this way. I don’t want fear and self-doubt to keep holding me back. I wish I could be more confident. I wish I could show people the version of myself that comes so naturally when I’m around those I trust.
It is incredibly exhausting to carry that kind of internal pressure, and it makes complete sense why staying in your bubble feels like the only safe option when unfamiliar social settings start to feel like a high-stakes exam. There is a painful contrast between knowing exactly who you are when you’re comfortable (for example, being full of ideas, humour, and energy) and feeling that vibrant version of yourself completely vanish the moment you are around new people.
Your desire to break out of this loop and build meaningful connections is a really powerful step forward, even if the fear of being judged still feels overwhelming right now. Because you already know how to express yourself naturally with people you trust, that capable version of you isn’t missing. I’d also like to commend your sheer determination in wanting to get better and recover, despite all these challenges. TBH, that takes a lot of courage.
To help us figure out how to bridge that gap at a pace that feels manageable for you, may I ask what is one specific setting or small interaction where you feel the most ready to start testing the waters? And what does the absolute safest version of “putting yourself out there” look like to you?
Firstly, thank you for sharing this - it’s actually really helpful to the rest of us who experience some level of social anxiety (yes super normal!), to know we are not alone
It sounds like you feel a lot of anguish and even frustration, because you do feel a strong desire to express yourself authentically and accurately to others, while feeling like something is choking up that process.
You spoke about the fear of judgement, and you know what, really valid! I feel it day to day too, and I think the person next to you on your daily commute feels it too! I’m curious - has there been any occasion when you shared something with an unfamiliar crowd, and, how did that go?
I love that there is a determination within you to move past this! I’d also like to assure you that confidence, public speaking, social expression.. these are all just skills; because they are skills, they can be learnt and built stronger over time. It might feel weird at the start, but just like exercise, practise can make better (there’s no need to aim for perfect)!
Rooting for you, and here to unpack and talk more whenever you need
