Staying mad for a long time


I often find that when I am angry, I never respond aggresively but instead become silent and sulky for a prolonged period of time.

I find my anger difficult to dismiss and it gets even harder to ignore when people tell me not to be angry. I feel that they are trying to dismiss a strong emotion that means a lot to me. They say its a small issue but to me its big.

It takes me days to get over my anger and when it does subside, nobody wants to talk to me anymore because now they are mad about my mopey attitude.

It has made it difficult to reconcile.

Is it normal to be like this and why am I like this?

1 Like

When I get angry with my family members, I don’t get aggressive and loud. I become sulky and silent. I find it difficult to get over the hurt and anger and it takes me days before the feeling subsides.

By then, my family is upset because of my attitude and reconciling becomes difficult. They find that the issues are small but to me the issue is big. I want to overcome the anger immediately but it seems impossible, especially when others are trivialising it the moment it comes up.

Why does this happen and how can I get over the hurt quicker?

1 Like

Hello @TMKP,

Thank you for sharing about your struggles with being angry - I want to share that what you think and feel given your situation is valid. It does sound very disheartening when your feelings are trivialised, as though you weren’t heard at all. And I can see that you want to overcome your anger but it’s proving to be more difficult because of that.

We get mad and angry as it’s a signal that we’ve been treated unfairly, there’s a violation towards us, and/or things are not in line with what you value. Also, anger can be expressed on a continuum (from mild irritation to intense fury!) and can be implicit (not directly expressed) or explicit. So, your anger expression is unique to you and perhaps it is not the typical way that people expect to see - this dissonance in what they expect and see in reality causes them to come up with reasons to explain the mismatch…

I wonder what sort of situations make you feel angry in this manner? Does this happen with everyone or with certain people? I’m curious if you’ve noticed any patterns? You mentioned “get over the hurt” and you’re right that anger is a signal that we’ve been hurt, or that something might’ve been taken away or not met… I wonder what that might be for you?

I think that you have more to share and I’m more than willing to listen if you’re up to share. Remember that you deserve and can get the necessary support you need. Till then, take care! :slightly_smiling_face:

Hello friend, it make me kinda laugh because il seeing you as myself. I also often silent and sulky to everyone forever who I don’t like including my family members instead of responding them aggressively that’s why I don’t have so many friends. But I realize it holding it is not helping anyone only instead I just forgive and forget them sometimes I give them second chances . Then if you still the same like before, then I think it’s not our fault. Just better keeping quiet. I think after then I feel so much better

1 Like

Hi @TMKP sounds like you have a unique way of processing and expressing anger, which involves becoming silent and withdrawing. It’s not uncommon for individuals to struggle with getting over hurt feelings quickly, especially when they perceive the issues as significant. But here’s 5 tips from me:

  1. Express yourself: Communicate your feelings calmly and assertively.
  2. Practice mindfulness: Stay present and breathe deeply to manage intense emotions.
  3. Identify triggers: Recognize patterns or situations that trigger your hurt feelings.
  4. Seek compromise: Work towards finding solutions and compromises rather than dwelling on the issue.
  5. Consider professional help: If needed, consult with a therapist for guidance on managing emotions and improving communication.

Good luck and take care! X.

1 Like