Stress up by Ex-spouse

I got the care and control of my kids, but since then, ex-spouse keeps hailing insults and demanding that as caregiver i should pay for and assist her in her demand for the kids. But in terms of maintenance she will not pay a single cents, but claims that she will pay if only the kids is under her care and control. Prior to divorce, she already file maintenance order against me claiming that she paid for all matters in the house and i paid nothing. When i produce all evidence during the mediation, the judge just respond no case and close it, wasted my time and nothing happens to her for wasting court time. Recently she brought the kids to KKH to consult doctor after i discipline my kid. With slight bruises and claims that i abuse the kids, getting me in unnecessary issue. On top of that, she still dare to tell me to pay for the medical cost as i am the caregiver and claims that i am never happy to co-parenting with her, while most of the time her demands and insult was unbearable. Now she even tries to use current issue to fight for reverse order. I am so stress to the extend at times i don’t know who can help me.

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Hi @ops_freedom,

I’m really so sorry to hear about what you’re experiencing. It must be truly frustrating and exhausting to have to manage the issues between you and your ex-spouse. I can imagine how challenging it is for you and your children too. I’m not able to provide any legal advice on how to manage the situation, however I will offer some suggestions to help you to relief your stress, especially when it becomes too overwhelming.

I encourage you to try these strategies to help yourself calm down and stay emotionally regulated, when you are highly stressed or feeling overwhelmed:

Last but not least, I would also like to recommend that you seek professional support from a mental health professional to help you process your emotions and stress in a safe space. It’s not easy going through this, so you might find the extra support beneficial for you in this season.

Please do take care of yourself and hopefully you find these resources helpful for de-stressing.

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first, you take some edication and just spend time with your kis more and just close your eyes and count to ten is your ervous stressed or agitated .

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Seems like there are a number of stressors here, @ops_freedom. What are you most stressed about?

Is it the financial burden?
Is it the emotional stress from her demands?
Or is it the fear of losing your kids to her?

I’m also curious to find out what do your kids think about this situation?

From the legal perspective:

  1. The mediation judge cant not make orders. You mentioned the mediation judge closed the case. They do end the mediation at some point of there is no agreement. They do not make court orders.

  2. The judges in court are fair and very high quality in Singapore. They awarded you care and control. That shows they support your relationship with your kids. Changing the status quo requires a change in circumstances.

  3. An ex partner will sometimes try to provoke you to use your response to the provocation against you in court. Try not to respond to provocations. Let her have the last word. If you want to reply, then save any emails without sending and read them two days later when you are not emotional and you might find that you would not send the email.

  4. Gym, exercise, breathing exercises, fathers support groups all help.

  5. Trust the judges and the system. Singapore is one of the worlds best jurisdictions.

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Good advice, @MJsingapore. What are some of the father support groups out there btw?