Thank you for sharing in details about your previous experiences and I think it really helps to connect the dots. I can see why you find it so hard to be motivated to seek employment because of your experiences. To be honest, I think I would feel that way as well if I had such negative experiences because it can be so discouraging.
I see that you are blaming yourself to a great extent and you are worried about falling into the same hole as you did previously. It surely does not feel good to have such feelings.
I have some suggestions for you to consider trying. I am trying to consolidate what you have shared in the other post as well. (Anxious over long career break - #3 by anonymous274)
- Find something to do that you enjoy and are good at. It seems like you are not feeling very confident of yourself right now and you need a boost to improve your self-confidence. Doing something you are good at can probably help with that and help you see yourself in a more positive light.
- Try not to compare yourself with others. You are unique and it is okay to move at your own pace. The more you try to be like others, the more you lose direction of what you want. Achieve your own goals, not other people’s goals.
- If possible, take feedback with an open heart. Try to see what is constructive from those feedback and work on the areas of improvement. If people do give you feedback directly, it could mean that they see potential in you in work on it. It could be better than not receiving feedback at all, and not knowing what you could improve on.
- Think about yourself as a fresh graduate who is seeking employment. A fresh graduate would encounter the same issues such as not enough work experience to fulfil that criteria. If you were seeking employment last year, you would still have to go through the same situation. Also, sometimes the job listings might include work experiences as a criteria but you can always try applying. Your internship experiences count too!
- You don’t have to be too concerned about having to explain the career break. Some people take it to reconsider their career, medical concerns, getting a mental break or just having some time for themselves before they embark on their career. It is about being confident with your decision that you have made at that time and how you present it. It could show that you are brave in taking a route that some others don’t even when they need it.
- About your strengths, I think that the way you reflect on your past experiences show a lot of self-awareness. And it sounds like you have been struggling for a long time but you are still not giving up, that demonstrates resilience in you as you are still trying.
I hope this is helpful and that you will be able to find something that is suitable for you soon.