I just know my mom hates me so much because of how often i disobey her, thats why she prefer my sisters rather than me.
I could feel the difference to how she wishes them good luck and how she wishes me good luck for my exams.
I think no one appreciates me being here. I dont wanna die, but i wanna leave and disappear. Maybe go missing and see how my mother reacts to that.
Hi @far2
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us on this platform. It must be hard to feel this way about your family and it is understandable that you feel because of your interaction with them. Do know that your feelings are valid and I hope you acknowledge them.
I wonder what you meant when you talked about disobeying your mother and whether you are aware of why do so. Could you be seeking some attention from her, and have you communicated with any of your family members about your feelings? It sounds like you are trying very hard to improve your relationship with your family and I would like to commend you on that. It is definitely not easy and I appreciate that you are still trying!
It is important that people around you knows what you are going through so you can be supported in ways that are helpful. Sometimes, people might not be aware of how their actions are perceived and you might want to consider talking about it. Talking about your feelings are helpful as they can help you gain new insights and perhaps some encouragement about your situation.
I believe you have positive qualities and strengths that make you special to your family as well. Do take some time to think about that as you might not be focusing on yourself as a whole person. Also, when you focus on yourself, you might compare yourself with your siblings lesser. It might be more helpful this way as you navigate through this situation.
If you can, do try to think about the things you can do to bond with your family. Creating positive experiences with them, based on similar interests or fun activities might help to improve your relationship.
I hope things get better for you overtime and do feel free to let us know if you need further support!