Think I scared my therapist away

Ask a Therapist Treatment & Recovery
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How I met my therapist: After a suicide attempt, the police and hospital opened a case and assigned me to a therapist.

About her: She was wonderful. Maybe a couple years older than me but very relatable. She was patient, easy to talk to, flexible. I finally felt heard and happy that I had her.

Duration of therapy with her: Around 3-4 years+. Was later introduced to a trauma counsellor for me to see in while I still had therapy with her for other issues.

What happened: A few years ago, I cheated on my ex (this is a really long story. Yes I know im a terrible person and yes, i’ve been punishing myself over this for years so please spare me any hate comments) but after sharing that with her, I felt like her view of me changed. She became a little distant, even offered my ex and the guy I was seeing her services but they didn’t go for it. Couple months later, she closed my case and said that I was improving and didn’t need a therapist at the moment. I met her f2f to fill out some paperwork. I felt emotional and grateful for all that she had done for me. The thing that I can’t forget is how she was so prepared to say goodbye and barely said anything to me when we parted. I gave her a hug even, but I could feel that the vibe between us had changed ever since I shared what I did. Fast forward to now, I never sought for a new therapist because I’m worried they will judge me. On top of that, finances are still pretty tight on my end (still owe the hospital years of bills) and lowkey feel like I don’t deserve the help.

TLDR: To therapists reading this, did I do something wrong? If I do consider seeing a new therapist, how do I do that? How do I know they won’t judge me for what I did?

Thank you for reading

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Hi @considerateotter8332 , thank you for sharing something so personal, that really takes courage to put them into words. One thing I want to gently push back on is the part that you mentioned feeling like you don’t deserve help :frowning: The things that happened in the past don’t determine whether an individual is allowed to heal. It’s clear that this has been something that you are carrying for some time and that matters.

To answer your question, you didn’t do anything wrong in therapy. Sharing something that is difficult is exactly what therapy is for. You were being honest and that is the right thing to do. Whether or not the change in the vibe was influenced by what you shared, what’s worth holding onto though, is that therapists are trained to sit with exactly these kinds of difficult, complicated moments without pulling away. They are not there to evaluate your character, instead they are there to give you space, understand and to support you in this journey.

The fear that the new therapist will judge you is understandable. If you do decide to look for a new therapist, it is actually alright to be upfront with them about this fear. You can tell them that you had a difficult experience previously and are worried about being judged for things that was done in the past. How they respond to you will tell you a lot about whether they are the right fit.

On the financial concern, there are actually resources in the community that provides mental health support that is heavily subsidised for Singaporeans and PRs too. It might be worth exploring these options when it feels ready to give it a try again :slight_smile:
Including this link to the service way finder here that you can explore at your own pace: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore

If you would like to speak to someone first and to explore more on the available/suitable support, you can also feel free to reach out to National Mindline 1771 by calling 1771 or WhatsApp them at 66691771.