hi. i’m in sec1 this year but this topic has been on my mind since primary school, but this is the first time i’m telling anyone. i used to have this friend, she was one of my close friends esp coz i didnt have many friends in pri school. shes a very touchy/clingy person while i dislike physical touch. but she still hugged me tho. like i was rly uncomfortable and told her that i didnt like physical touch but she laughed it off, and said “i wonder if in the future you’ll like physical touch” and didnt stop. then when i actually got offended, she would call me “mean” or say “did i do sth wrong? u make me feel like i did…” she would also touch me, for example she would touch my back/neck randomly and i hated it, to the point if she hugged me during recess i would scream at her (ik it sounds abit like overreacting) and she still wouldnt back off. she only got the hint after 5-6months when i started being distant/moving away from her when she physically got close. ik it sounds petty but i would genuinely get panic attacks from her being close. we’re on ok terms rn and still talk but i’m still weary of physical touch.
Hey @thisuserlikes127, thanks for sharing here. You’ve shared about being uncomfortable with this friend of yours being touchy and experiencing panic attacks from this. From what you’ve shared, this sounds like something that has been weighing on you for quite a while.
Setting clear boundaries with your friends takes a lot of courage, especially when it may come at a cost to the friendship between both of you. I think you are very brave to insist on the comfort levels that you have set, so good job!
If this incident is still affecting you, it may help to share this with your parents or a trusted adult, as they may be able to help you navigate through similar situations in the future. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks too, which if they are bothering you greatly, seeking help from a professional such as a doctor or counsellor would be valuable. I’m glad that you’ve built up the courage to share this incident with us here, it’s really no easy feat!
Hi OP,
You have every right to set a boundary. Just because your friend’s love language is physical touch, doesn’t mean that they can ignore your boundaries when you are clearly discomforted by it. There are many other love languages to show, even if one is more preferred than the other. Your friend needs to learn to respect you and not insist on their own preference over yours.
I’m sorry that you’ve been having panic attacks because of this. Have you talked about this to a trusted adult, like your parents or to a counsellor? Hope you have somewhere safe to work through your feelings 