i hate the way i love my bestfriend and i know everyone has flaws but they just make me so mad and hurt . some flaws they have is:
always self victimising
self centered
really bad attachment issues
for example , there was this moment where i was talking to my school’s counsellor about how i feel hurt that they crossed my boundaries , instead they cried and self blamed themselves . why should they be the one crying when they crossed my boundaries ? this is also not the only incident . they also didn’t apologise lol . ( has to fight w them for them to ‘apologise’ .)
they’ve really bad attachment issues which i find extremely uncomfortable with because im an avoidant attachment style . i told them about how i need some space for exams , they told me they understood . spoiler!! they ignored whatever i said . even worse , they cried saying how they really need me right now but they understood that i cannot be there for them . i felt super guilt tripped especially since with examinations then , i was feeling too many emotions and i just ran from them .
i also feel like i cant talk to my school’s counsellor anymore because she has sided with my bestfriend and im scared that she’ll invalidate my feelings towards my bestfriend .
Hi @secret I’ve been here before years ago, and I would like to reassure you that this will pass and you will heal, no matter how slow and how little. It will get better.
From what you’ve shared, I think you’re brave for even bringing it up to your friend albeit it being a tough conversation to have (about wanting space). As someone who has little tolerance about people who overstep my boundaries, I would choose to distance myself and surround myself with people who respect them instead, and focus on enjoying my one life. You are not obligated to meet all her needs if it’s taking a toll on you, and it’s alright to prioritise yourself in times like these.
i know that i should distance myself but i really don’t want our friendship to end this way , im the sort of person who rather who fight it out/talk things out then breaking off the friendship T_T
I see, that’s fine too! But please remember that you are not in control of her reactions, and not everyone has the same level of emotional maturity. She might take it well, but she might also not. I wish you the best and hope you guys reach common ground, and if that’s too hard, I hope you will do what’s best for you and your mental health
One tip that comes to my mind is that you could have asked them to assist you in the preparations for exam, maybe by giving you company when you prepare for your exams. They could probably just do whatever they want as long as they don’t disturb your preparations. Try it out the next time!
It’s not at all wrong to establish boundaries. But remember to enforce them regularly. ‘Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is!’
they were admitted to the hospital for stomach issues and they kept on wanting me to come and study w them even though a hospital isn’t a productive place for me . i kept on rejecting their idea until i gave in and agreed . ( they kinda guilt tripped me into agreeing )
i stayed there for almost 12 hours and i only got in 30 mins of studying .
i understand a patient must be dependent on people since they might need time to regain back certain skills but it just seems like she wanted me to play with them instead of studying .
I’ve been here before years ago, and I would like to reassure you that this will pass and you will heal, no matter how slow and how little. It will get better.