Hi @anxietytourist,
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your friends, and it’s completely understandable to feel the way you do. Let’s break down what you’ve shared to address everything properly.
You’ve mentioned making a group of friends who felt like family but often feeling less confident and undeserving. Despite this, they always included you, which shows they valued your presence. It’s great to hear that they saw you as part of the group, even if you sometimes felt insecure.
Then, a thoughtless action on your part led to betraying these friends and losing them. You feel like a bad friend and find your actions unforgivable. Even though you apologized, the friendship ended without good closure, leaving you feeling guilty and ashamed. It’s important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s clear that you genuinely regret what happened. Taking responsibility is a significant first step.
You mentioned that you often think about the situation and feel unable to face your friends due to guilt and shame. You see yourself as weak for not being brave enough to confront or reconcile with them. It’s essential to be kind to yourself and understand that forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, takes time. You’re not weak for feeling this way; you’re human.
Now, you’re a job-seeker, and this situation has impacted your ability to move on. Additionally, you’re worried about encountering these friends in the workforce since you’re in the same field. It’s natural to feel anxious about this, but there are ways to manage these concerns.
Strategies for Moving Forward
Recognizing and Managing Anxiety: It’s completely natural to feel anxious about encountering your former friends in a professional setting. This anxiety is a normal reaction to the fear of the unknown and potential uncomfortable situations. Allow yourself to feel this anxiety without judgment. It’s a sign that you care about your interactions and relationships.
Self-Forgiveness and Empathy: We all make mistakes, especially in situations we’ve never encountered before. Your feelings of guilt and shame are reactions to what happened, not reflections of your character. Shame and guilt are emotions that follow actions we regret and are part of being human. It’s okay to feel these emotions, but it’s also important to recognize that they don’t define who you are.
Understanding Mistakes: It’s important to understand that mistakes happen, particularly when we’re faced with new and challenging situations. Reacting to these situations can sometimes lead to actions we regret later. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person; it means you’re learning and growing. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and how we handle difficult situations.
Building Confidence and Moving Forward: Start by being kind to yourself. Self-empathy is about treating yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend. Reflect on the positive aspects of your friendships and the growth you’ve experienced since then. Remember, it takes time to rebuild confidence. Take small steps to gradually build it up again.
When it comes to your job search, focus on your skills and strengths. You have a lot to offer, and your past doesn’t define your professional capabilities. If you do encounter your former friends at work, try to stay professional. You might prepare a simple, neutral statement in case the situation arises, such as, “I know we had some difficult times, but I hope we can work together professionally.”
Seeking Closure: If you feel it might help, consider writing a letter to your friends, even if you don’t send it. Sometimes, expressing your thoughts and feelings on paper can provide a sense of closure. If you ever feel ready, you might consider reaching out for a conversation. However, do this only if you feel comfortable and safe.
Professional Support: If you’re struggling with these feelings, it might be helpful to speak with a counselor or therapist. They can provide you with tools to manage anxiety and guilt, and help you navigate your current challenges. Remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
You’ve shown incredible resilience by seeking a new job and trying to move forward despite these challenges. Keep focusing on your strengths and the positive steps you’re taking. Please continue to share your thoughts and feelings as much as you feel comfortable. We’re here to listen and support you through this journey.
Take care, and best of luck with your job search.