What I am about to share may seem really idiotic but I have to really get this of my chest as I have my nat exams ongoing.
So basically I ended my 4 year friendship recently and the main reason that it was broke was because of my grave mistake.
I was dishonest with them of a few situations for 4 years because I was really immature. It was only at the start of this year that I began to realise how stupid of me to be dishonest with them but the damage had already been done for 3 years.i kind of am a social butterfly and I didn’t really suffer from such friendship issues before and was really embarrassed of my wrongdoing that I could not tell them earlier on so I kind of just continued with that dishonesty throughout this year and tried to distance myself out for guilt.
However I am proud to say that I have been able to turn around a new leaf and have been working on myself throughout this year and was planning to tell about my dishonesty at the end of the year after my exams because i was stressed about my exam prep. I they kind of caught up with it and confronted me recently and basically told them everything.
Of course they told me that they felt betrayed and all especially since it went along for like 4 years and I really really apologised to them and told them that I was really mentally unstable but realised my mistake and told them it’s better to break the friendship and we probably did that? I am not sure, they told me to give them space? But anywho I am aware that the friendship cannot be continued and I perfectly understand. I was really immature and quite young when I had been dishonest (I kinda of wanted it build an imaginary fantasy around me), but as I matured I realised how extremely stupid and unnecessary it was for me to do so, completely unreasonable too.(I know I should not be giving excuses but I had build up this fake fantasy to cope with my childhood trauma)I am been working on it and I am quite proud to say that I have improved alot.
However right now, I am really plagued with the thoughts that they will kind of snitch on me of my wrongdoings in the past and affect my current relationships that I had worked hard to build on with trust. I am not sure how much sincere I can be, but I had deeply and sincerely apologised to them and tried my best to make it up to them.
I am really worried that they will snitch on me and affect my relationship with others. I really hope that they will forgive me and move on because I don’t want to fall into that pithole again.So how do I move on, how do I cope with this?
Hey @Ray3 , I’m proud of your self-reflection and for turning over a new leaf for the better! Self-improvement is a long and tedious journey and I think you’re in the right direction, even though progress may seem very slow.
I’ve gone through a similar situation as well. Even though I still struggle with accepting that some people just choose to misunderstand me, I think finding peace within yourself and your personality helps a lot. Reminding yourself that those who want to misunderstand you are not worth knowing, anyway. Prioritise the friendships that bring value into your life, that improve you, those are the people who will stand by you against the world. In my opinion, having a close friends who you can be yourself around are much more important than making sure than pleasing everybody.
First off, I want to acknowledge how incredibly brave it is of you to share your feelings and experiences. Ending a long friendship, especially one where you felt you had been dishonest, can be really tough. It’s clear that you’ve been through a lot, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed right now.
It’s commendable that you’ve recognized your mistakes and are working on yourself. Growth often comes from difficult experiences, and it sounds like you’re on the right path, reflecting on your past actions and seeking to improve. It’s not easy to confront those feelings, especially when they relate to childhood experiences and the way you’ve coped in the past.
As for your worries about being “snitched” on, it’s normal to feel anxious about how others perceive you and the fear of your past affecting your present relationships. It sounds like you’ve taken genuine steps to apologize and make amends, which shows your character. People who care about you and value your current friendships will likely see the effort you are putting into being honest and trustworthy now.
It might help to focus on the present and the relationships you are building now. Try to remind yourself that you cannot control how others will respond, but you can control how you choose to move forward. Staying positive and continuing to work on yourself is a great way to cope. Seeking support from other friends or a trusted person during this time can also provide you with comfort and help you navigate these feelings.
Give yourself permission to heal, and allow time for the situation with your former friends to unfold. Their response may not impact your worth or who you are today. Moving on will take time, and it’s okay to feel anxious, but know that it’s part of the process of growth. You’re not alone in this, and we are here to support you.