Toxic people (involve body shaming and dirty jokes)

Once,my friend accompanied me to get something to eat, and I was taking a long time to choose what I want to eat. Then my friend was like “No need to think what you want to eat, you fat enough already” After that, I decided to get nothing and just go home. Midway going home, he texted me and told me to get something to eat or else. I really didn’t know what to say. Was he playing dumb or what. Couldn’t he tell that I lost my appetite because of him? After that incident, I forced myself to eat less and less. There will be time I just eat a few pieces of fruits after a long run and almost fainting. And you know what’s more irony? I used to like, like he was my crush. But obviously, he wasn’t after this. It took me sometime to know that I’m a okay weight, but I still have habit eating very less.
But when I thought when it was over, he came to me when playing a game. So I was just sitting there and playing a game, then he came and was like, you suck at this game, and you damn fat eh.Obviously it hurts a lot, like a lot, and the fact that there was 2 or 3 people around us made it worse. He realized what he was saying and said "I’m just kidding, you are actually quite thin"But that did not help. He made that joke because he had thought about it and just accidentally said it out loud. To be honest, after that,I realized, I started to starving myself again,unintetionally squeezing my belly to see my fats. I started to realise how this thing started to affect me.But it did not end there.
There was this guy who liked me, but I did not like him. My ex crush knew it, he also know I don’t really like that guy.So,after class, we were walking down the stairs, then he said “You know the stick right, He can shove his ***k inside your **s” Obviously was disgusted, like really disgusted about it.Not just cause I don’t like that guy, but the fact that he said it in front of my face,infront of a few people and not a soft volume. It ruined my mood for the whole entire day.
To be honest, this whole post just made me realise how toxic he was and how the heck I had a crush on him. I still like him now and then, but the past experiences helped me in destroying that feeling. Anyone have this type of experiences or any advices please?

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Hi @stars

I was about to write a post about body shaming and i like to respond to your queries as well. For me the saying is true ( I am mid age man ) No Matter How Pretty a face is , if the Character is Ugly, the person is Ugly.

It is called an infatuation. I used to like this girl but she was very rude to me like you with the boy. And yes every now and then i think about her but from experience i can safely say that it will minimize. Its actually the image in our minds about the person and not the actual person him or herself.

Its the idea of the person however that is not the reality. I have had to come to terms with many facts after having diagnosed with multiple mental illness, the stigma , finding employment but among the worst is the body shaming from family friends and even the general public.

I gained weight and have a belly and many times scrawny people would rub their belly and look at me. Ironically im not even morbidly obese and Nobody dares to make fun of them cause all they have to do is just sit on you Lol. Jokes aside, Just to share what i learned when i did lose the belly ( And soon again in 6-8 Months ) is that if you are going to lose the weight - Do it for you and health and not other people or society.

And even at the end of the day when you are alone… Do you like you ?
Have a listen to the lyrics to this song ( I just got reminded )

Please Watch it to the end cause there is a reveal.
Hope this helps out a bit and I pray that you have a great week.
Please give it time okay * Muddy waters takes time to settle and be clear again *

Yours, Mano Esperanza @ Muhammad Nur


Thanks,it’s a nice song by the way


Hello @stars , I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a bad experience with this friend of yours. Definitely sounds like he doesn’t think before he speaks, nor did he consider your feelings before making those comments about you.

I think maybe you can voice out and let your friend know that you don’t appreciate him making comments about your weight and your body. Regarding the dirty jokes, you can also let him know that you’re uncomfortable, and if he makes such jokes again you won’t tolerate it and will let your parents/ teachers know about it.

I understand that his words really hurt you a lot and caused you to starve yourself. However, it also seems that you’re putting yourself health at risk and this might affect your loved ones if they find out that you’re hurting yourself. Maybe you can try exploring more positive ways of coping with your emotions, like doing something you like (e.g. drawing), listening to music, taking a hot bath, or anything else that you think may work for you.

Hope this helps~ :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


Hello @stars, I can’t imagine what it’s like to have people say very mean and vulgar things… This sort of behaviour can not be justified, and your response displays some maturity because responding in kind by being rude and disrespectful will only reinforce this behaviour in others. Like they say, “kindness begets kindness” and if you find yourself in this situation again, remember to acknowledge your feelings and take a deep breath to respond with maturity and being kind to yourself. :slightly_smiling_face:

However, it does appear that their words do affect you, and as much as we’d like to be in control of others’ words, that is beyond our control - thus having an internal locus of control over the things we can be responsible for (our attitude and our action towards ourselves and others) allows us to weaken the influence of others’ opinions or the feeling of helplessness.

I also see you taking control of your actions, in a way to restrict your food intake although it should be to emphasise on fitness and being healthy rather than losing weight (to the point of risking your physical health). Perhaps translating this motivation to work on yourself towards more positive endeavours (e.g., working on activities that you enjoy, getting regular exercise, getting regular meals, etc.).

I also wonder if there’s more to this than about weight and how you perceive yourself… Perhaps speaking to someone you trust to allow yourself to open up and express your feelings in a safe environment without judgment, can allow for some cathartic release instead of holding it all in. I hope you know that you deserve and can get the necessary support you need. Take care!