Trying ( a lil bit of a rant before i get to the point soz )

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
1

I’ve known for a while that my mental state has been terrible for a few years, so I’ve been trying to seek help on my own, I’ve visited a polyclinic psychologist, and I will be visiting a psychiatrist in a month. Likely some sort of depression or something.

But. Now that I’m finally trying to get help for myself, why has everything gone numb? I know what I used to feel, but genuinely nowadays everything just so blank. I use to overthink a lot, used to imagine, cry , had interests i could run to hide away, but now. Now, I feel nothing, not an empty hole, not a shell or anything but theres something missing, theres no me, theres no overthinking, theres no thinking at all, I have something permanently bocking my thoughts, something blocking my feelings, something blocking the images that used to appear.

I’m not feeling happy by all means, but I quite literally can’t feel much either, the facial expressions that Ive learn to show all have no feelings, yet I still know theres that pit in me that doesnt want to be here. I’m walking around eggshells with myself knowing that I’ve got a bucket filling in me and I can’t feel or tell when its going to overflow. And I can’t even tell the professionals whats happening because I can’t remember when I visit them.

So when I visited to psychologist, he said he thought it might have been an adjustment issue. (poly yr2) which honestly, i dont think it is but it eventually moved onto something else. but I feel like I’m just being overdramatic now. To be fair though I have been 100% truthful with them about my thoughts because I don’t want my parents to be notified, and I understand that means they won’t understand my situation 100%, and I dont know what i should choose when I go visit the psychiatrist next month. If I want to continue hiding or if i should just say screw it and tell the truth, because it would mean my family would need to be involved, and i don’t want them to be both for their sake and my sake.

And to be very frank. I’m recently only getting help because everything has been affecting my school work greatly, and i think i might be affecting some of the people around me, which is why im trying to get help. but theres so many factors that I didn’t expect coming when I started this process but I don’t know what to do anymore. I dont want to do this anymore, i dont want to do anything anymore.

2

Hey there, so glad to hear that you’ve prioritized yourself and seeking help. That is very courageous of you to take that very important step. It sounds like you are going through a period of emptiness where nothing feels interesting anymore and that is very hard to be feeling that way most of the time.

Although you feel you are being overdramatic, the feelings you are feeling are very real to you and they might be trying to tell you something. Since you are getting the help, you will slowly be able to recognize what is blocking you and you can eventually work on unblocking it which will slowly help overcome the emptiness and it is okay to feel like not doing anything sometimes. You’ve got this.

If you think it might help, just be with the emptiness without making it go away and see what comes up. Take care.

3

Hello @shi. Just wanted to say… thank you for being so honest here. Even though you say “just a lil rant,” this was full of depth and honesty. You’ve said a lot of things that many people feel but don’t know how to put into words. The blankness, the disconnect, the confusion. That in-between space where you’re not okay, but also not sure what you’re feeling.

I just want to say this clearly: you are not being overdramatic. You are trying, in every way you know how. You’ve been trying even when it feels like nothing is working, even when your feelings are stuck behind some invisible wall. That effort is real. That pain is real. Even if it’s hard to describe. I want to acknowledge that for you.

What you wrote really resonated with me, especially the part about being numb after you finally start getting help. I remember expecting things to get better the moment I reached out, and instead I felt… nothing. Just blank. Like I’d disconnected from myself completely.

But later I realized it was because I’d spent too long in “survival mode” that once I stopped running, everything went quiet. It wasn’t peace. It was shutdown.

And I hope you can let someone meet you in that tiredness without needing to “explain it perfectly.”

About the psychiatrist, here’s a thought: What if the truth didn’t break everything? What if it actually built something better, slower, and steadier?

Whatever you choose, you are still in the one in control. And choosing yourself, even once, can be a powerful shift.

You’re not broken for feeling this. You’re human. A deeply tired, deeply brave one too :sunflower:

4

Hey, ive recovered to dormant b4. The journey will be all over the place, what u r currently feeling now is normal for ppl like us, it is a phase during our journey. Depressed, emotionless, happy for no reason or even felt disconnected w everything or everyone or from ur own mind n body. Great that u r seeking help by urself whereas i couldn’t n needed my family to get me help. This phase will be over soon since u r already seeking help

5

Dear @shi

Thank you for reaching out and starting to seek help. It is a courageous step; especially when you’re feeling disconnected or numb.

I would like to assure you that what you’re going through is real, and it’s not you being overdramatic. You have been carrying a huge burden for a long time, and it makes total sense that your mind feels like it’s shutting down just to cope. It is a way of protecting you.

About whether to tell the psychiatrist everything—it’s totally understandable to feel conflicted and torn. I suggest that if you’re able to be honest, it could really help them understand what’s happening and how to support you better. You can even write things down if it’s hard to say out loud or in case you forget to say. I understand you’re scared about your parents being involved. Please talk to the psychiatrist about this directly. They’ll take that seriously and help you feel safe.

It’s fully understandable that part of the reason you’re seeking help is because school and relationships are being affected. That’s not being selfish—it shows that you are self-aware. Whatever the reason, you’re doing something to take care of yourself, and that’s something to be proud of. It shows determination to get better.

You’re not alone in this. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just one honest step at a time is more than enough. Please take regular breaks to recharge and keep taking these tiny steps forward. Reach out whenever you need to- there is a caring community of support here for you. :yellow_heart:

6

Hi @shi,

Your words carry so much weight and courage - it takes incredible strength to speak so honestly about what you’re experiencing, especially when it feels like everything inside has gone quiet. That numbness you describe isn’t empty or dramatic - it’s heavy in its own way. When you’ve spent years feeling so intensely, shutting down like this can feel terrifying, unfamiliar, or even unreal. That disconnect from yourself, from your emotions, from the spark you used to retreat to - it’s something many go through when they’ve been hurting for a long time. You’re not broken, not dramatic, and certainly not alone. This kind of silence in the mind can be your system’s way of trying to protect itself when it’s overwhelmed for too long.

As for the decision about whether to speak openly with your psychiatrist, it’s completely okay to feel conflicted. You’ve been navigating these waters with thoughtfulness, even protecting others at the cost of your own clarity - and that says a lot about your empathy and awareness. But you matter here too. Whatever you choose, try to prioritize what will help you feel heard and understood, even if just a little bit more than before. Whether that means revealing everything or taking small steps, you deserve care that meets you where you really are. Let’s Talk is here, always - whether you need someone to hold space for your thoughts or to help find language for the things that feel like they’re slipping through.

Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline