To be honest, this is my very first time spilling out whatever i have been feeling thru out my 28 years of living & i think its time that i seek for help/advice to ease this feeling.
To start is that i’ve been independent since i was 13, started working at the age of 13 when i got drop out from school, i’ve always been independent and depend only to myself and not others. I shield myself from getting hurt by being heartless. I hardly show people around my love but me doing things for them and being there to whenever they are in need of help.
I have been putting fake smile thru out my whole years of living making sure everyone know that i’m ok when im not. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t know how to let out my feelings to anyone as i know they will never understand my situation and i do not want to burden anyone with my issues.
Its not easy to be mature from the age of 13 and have to take care of families, thinking of financial issues, brain storming to any difficult situation but i manage thru it up till now. I’ve have been angry thru out my whole life until I don’t know what is happiness & sad. Anger is the only way for me to cope and get things moving, laughing and smiling to let everyone knows that im ok and if they need someone i’m here. usually cigarettes and music can heal me but nowadays it doesn’t help me much.
Recently since oct 24 as im about to be 28 this 27 novem, i’m feeling overwhelmed, i lost my job, not easy to find a new job. Stuck in my room for weeks finding new job. Having a sick mom that im taking care of. Need to take care of my siblings. Helping to pay bills & etc.
Been feeling empty but this emptiness is deeper then what i usually feel… this emptiness is so deep that i couldnt think straight. Been having the thoughts of ending my life multiple time but at the same time i cant as others are depending on me… crying out every night but couldn’t get the answer to why. Been stuck feeling hopeless and couldnt do much and ask for help to listen to my thoughts and feelings.
Im drowning, drained. Tired.
I honestly have no idea on why im writing and sharing what im feeling. Im stuck and couldn’t find the ans. What should i do ?
Hi @user1535,
First, thank you for sharing all of this. I can sense how much strength it took for you to open up, especially since you’ve been used to carrying so much on your own. You’ve been incredibly resilient, stepping up to provide and protect since such a young age. It’s no wonder you feel exhausted—after all, it sounds like you’ve had to be the strong one for so long that it’s hard to know what it means to let others in.
The emptiness you describe makes sense, especially given how much you’ve relied on yourself and how often you’ve had to push down your own feelings. When anger has been the only way to keep going, it can become hard to even recognize what other emotions feel like, let alone let them out. But what you’re feeling—this mix of anger, emptiness, and exhaustion—isn’t weakness. It’s your mind and body telling you they need a break from holding everything in.
Maybe we can start by taking this slowly. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. You’ve spent years taking care of others; maybe it’s time to start learning what it’s like to let yourself feel and be taken care of, even if just a little at first.
What would it feel like if we tried to explore those feelings, bit by bit, in a space where you’re not judged or expected to hold it all together? Sometimes, just letting those feelings exist can take a weight off, even if they don’t go away right away.
You’re not alone, and asking for help doesn’t make you any less strong. In fact, it takes courage to admit you’re tired and that things feel too heavy right now. Thank you for allowing this space to support you. Whenever you’re ready, we can talk about ways to handle these emotions—whether that’s finding a new way to manage the anger or learning what it feels like to just “be” without the pressure of holding everything together.
There are free resources avilable for you to reach out to…
Here are options you can consider:
- Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) - 1800-283 7019
- IMH CHAT: (https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/webCHAT/Pages/default.aspx)
- SOS - 1767
- Care Corner Counselling Centre - 1800-353 5800
Do take some time to explore, there are professionals that are ready to assist you…
Take it one step at a time; we are here for you.