To be honest, idk which place is a better category to post this, under “trigger warning” or “my parents”. My parent used to abuse my physically ever since I was small. And ever since I grew into a teenager it switched to verbal abuse. But the physical abuse didnt stop either, just reduced because she use her words towards me.
Its hard for me because no one ever came forward to help me, even though alot of people witness my getting abuse with their own 2 eyes. Back then, I thought it was normal, not until I start sharing with my friends my experiences about it. Worse part of it, I was outcasted by those “friends” because they think that I was lying about my experiences.
Suicide was always an option to me especially when I was told that I was never wanted and that I was such a difficult child to the extend my parent would rather go to jail for murdering me than to continue living with me. I never had problem with my appearance, it didnt matter if I gained weight or not having perfect skin, but when my own parent compares me with other girls and keep mentioning that I NEED to lose weight and dress up more, it definitely made me upset.
And after experiencing being an outcast at school for sharing my experiences to people I trust, I started to have trust issues. But things were so bad at home that there are times I go to school crying uncontrollably (like early in the morning before assembly back in sec sch) and I have no choice to let things out to my close friends.
Now that I am 18, I have been thinking of leaving home, but there is a constant fear of getting caught by authorities and having to return back home because then it would make the situation worst. However, its also not easy to live with someone that constantly bring you down and caused you so much trauma in your life. Thoughts?
Abuse (in whichever form) is definitely not right and I’m sorry you had to go through all that while growing up.
I’ve had similar experiences (though not to the extent of abuse) where my family members were kinda the main reason for my low self esteem. It wasn’t a good feeling.
I’m not very sure when’s the right age to be able to “move out” but I think you’ll need to be self-sustainable. If you’re 18, I guess you’re probably still schooling. Maybe can consider taking some additional part time jobs to save up first?
Hey there
Thank you for bravely sharing about your experience, I hear you and am here if you need to talk. It sounds like you have been dealing with this for a very long time now and I can’t imagine how draining (physically and emotionally) and unsafe living at home must feel, especially since home is supposed to be a safe haven for most people.
It makes sense to expect parents to love and protect their children. Abuse is unacceptable and no one deserves to go through that under any circumstance. Verbal abuse is still (emotional) abuse and no less justifiable than physical abuse. Hearing those comments from a parent can be extremely hurtful and damaging on various levels, I am so sorry you had to go through that.
It must also feel very alienating to be outcast by individuals whom you regarded as friends. Like you said, it can definitely be hard when no one has extended a helping hand despite witnessing the abuse done to you. Given what you have gone through, it is understandable that you have trust issues and feel the way you do. At the same time, I just wanted to affirm you for reaching out on Let’s Talk. That must have taken courage and strength and I am proud of you 
I am sorry that it has come to a point where suicide has become an option. I wonder how often does this thought cross your mind and if anyone else knows what you are going through?
Aside from that, some questions that crossed my mind at the moment are:
- What do you think you would need to feel safe?
- How would you like to be supported?
U may want to seek advice from a peer supporter here , or call the suicide hotline to seek help.