In the past, I have faced eating disorders which I have both starved myself and eaten too much which both happened at two different points of my life. I wanted to become thin and achieve the ideal body type by starving myself thinking I could get the desired body shape but, I stopped. I ate too much as I was at a general stage in my life where I do not care about my physical self and wanted to drown myself in food as a coping mechanism.
The reason I stopped was because I have stopped caring about societal standards and started caring about my own health in terms of both my mental health and physical health as I realised those standards are unrealistic since there is no individual that is 100% perfect. To anyone out there who is also having an eating disorder, I hope you can find that this is not the way to go and you should seek help as it damages your body!
aw, i actually relate to this a lot, and im glad you’re speaking out about it. like you, i’ve always had a really intense love-hate relationship with food. I love food, i love how it brings people together, i love how food represents culture and community. I love the taste of food, and I enjoy sharing food with others so much! however, at the same time, i always feel so guilty after having a big meal, and i would tell myself to eat lesser for the rest of the day/ the following day to “punish” myself for “indulging”. once, i starved an entire day in order to “make up” for an entire packet of cheese crackers that I binged on the previous day. Also, i have a tendency to “go all out”- I can be eating pretty healthily for one whole day, but once I consume anything that is deemed “unhealthy” (eg. a cookie/ some ice cream/ any snack at all), I’ll think that my whole day is ruined and ill “go all out” by just consuming more and more of these “unhealthy” snacks. I don’t even feel good eating them, i think eating is just a way to gain control in my every day life!
ive actually been counting calories for the majority of my life, and I don’t even remember a time when i didnt count my calories. I don’t think its a bad thing to count calories, as long as it is a balanced approach, but i do think it reinforces the notion of having food as a metaphor for control in my every day life. i’ve been trying to eat more mindfully, and tune into my body before i reach for food- asking myself if that’s really what I want + whether the food would provide me with nourishment in that point in time!