Hi, I’ve had multiple bad experiences with people around me for multiple years. Family, friends, relationships, even community as a whole. Since then (which is I believe at least 7 months ago), I stopped socializing. I stopped trusting anyone emotionally and interact with people on a very superficial level. Nowadays, I don’t go out with friends, I don’t do things young adults usually do - and while my family is a huge part of the reason why this restriction exists, the drive to ask for permission for all these things have also died down. I don’t try anymore.
Even with texts and social media, I am rarely active, and can leave people on read without issue. I used to not be able to bring myself to do that, but now I brutally do not give anyone my attention up to what is necessary. I feel like I’m living in a bubble made of glass, where I see people living outside of it. I don’t know why I no longer want to leave this bubble, but it just… feels so odd.
Is this normal? What can I do to make it feel less ‘bad’?
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Hey @floatyduck, thank you for coming on here to share your experiences. I can imagine it’s not easy to talk about the self-isolation tendencies you experience, especially since it is hard for you to trust people in general.
It sounds like you find it difficult to mingle with others, both offline and online. And this was a huge change from the person you were 7 months ago, with your family being a big part of the reason why. You’re wondering whether this is normal, and a part of you thinks that this is bad and odd.
I want to assure you that the emotions you’re feeling is very much human. The restrictions placed on you, they’ve worn you down and made you tired of continuously trying to fight back.
If you don’t mind me asking, why does this feel slightly odd? Is there conflicting parts of you that hopes to and does not hope to socialise? Or maybe it’s something else? Maybe finding out the underlying reason could help solve the dilemma you’re experiencing… 
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hey, thank you so much for the reply and the reassurance. i am really worried this is turning me into a bad person, and it probably did but- the self awareness counts as something, right?
i’d be lying through my teeth if i said i didn’t want to socialise, or craving for the kind of friendship/companionship others have. and its not that i really can’t, but even since before the 7 months i mentioned earlier, i have already noticed my social habits going on the decline. it’s something i watch happening but have no power of stopping. and it is kind of hilarious that i’m feeling this conflicted, fully knowing this is something i did to myself.
i suppose the biggest clue lies in the fact that i’ve been hurt/disappointed too many times by people around me that the fact of opening up is frightening. why put myself out there if it’s only going to hurt in the end, you know? it does make me wonder if i’ve done something to deserve it, though.
Dear @floatyduck
Thank you for getting in touch with us and reaching out for help. This is a laudable first step in your journey to improve your current situation.
I think it’s understandable you have built this protective bubble to shield you from hurt. Unfortunately you had been hurt badly and you need time to recover.
Here are some suggestions for your consideration.
-Acknowledge you have been hurt and returning to normal life will take time and cannot be done linearly.
-Reintroduce and reconnect with friends slowly, one person at a time. Over time, I believe you can build your self confidence and comfort level.
-It can help to engage with the world in small, personal ways such as listening to music, drawing, walking outside and reading. These tiny acts reconnect you with life without needing other people right away.
-Speak to a counsellor to unpack some beliefs which may have developed that are impacting your current approach to Life.
Please be kind to yourself as you navigate this process. With tiny steps, you can progress at your own pace.
Hey @floatyduck, I’m glad to read your reply! So it sounds like you’ve been hurt before, and your experiences have made it difficult for you to reach out to people again, because you fear being hurt again.
Though you may feel that your actions have led to this, please know that there were external factors out of your control, so this is not something you did to yourself alone. Like what @CaringBee has suggested, you deserve to be kinder to yourself.
It may seem daunting, but acknowledging the hurt, giving yourself ample space to recover gradually, finding out ways you’d like to reconnect with the outside world, and speaking to a counsellor can be the little stepping stones towards resolving that deep-seated conflict in your heart.
You may need time to heal, so give yourself the ample time to heal. Whenever you’re ready to take the first step, I’m sure the people around you will be happy to receive you too!