There’s a certain relative/family member of mine that i really do not trust. Lets call him S. He takes advantage of the fact that my father is clueless about everything, and uses it for his greed. I usually just let the situation go as it does not affect me much, but recently something happened that made me really frustrated and i am not sure how to react.
I’ve been overseas for a study exchange and will be for another 4 months. I am not very close to my immediate family, so we do not talk even while i’ve been away. Recently the May 2025 cdc voucher were released. I received a text from S asking for the link for the vouchers. He says it is for my father. But here’s the thing - i’ve known my dad to be one who does not really use these vouchers. He always left it for my mother and I. On top of this, my father also has a close family friend who gives him his vouchers to use as extras, and my dad would give it to S. None kept for himself which shows that he really just doesn’t use it.
Hence i told S these. I dont know if he thinks i’m stupid, he tried to lecture me and said my dad only did this so that i dont have to spend money. But since i am not in sg now, my father can use it. I told S that he can get my father to print it at the CC. i did not want to send him the link because as mentioned, i do not trust S. If he gains access to the link, who is to know if he uses it himself? My father wouldnt even know its being used by him. No one will be able to control it. At least with physical copies, he can have control and is aware of what he does with it.
A few days later, S texted me again saying that my dad was unable to get the vouchers as i had already claimed it. once again asked me to send link, saying he will teach my father how to use digital voucher. fyi there were 2 batches of cdc this year, i only claimed one from may, meaning jan is unclaimed. I told S this, but he told me Jan’s batch is empty, there is no money to use. Long story short, he saw that the remaining value for his household was 0 and assumed no money was given, did not believe me that it is because it has been used up but instead tried to mansplain me asking me if i understood him lol.
He said that if i was so confident that there was money, why don’t i want to just claim it and send the link? Didnt want to tell him its cos i dont trust him so i just said i dont want to force my father to do something he is not comfortable with (using digital vouchers.) [for context, my dad is ard 70, clueless about digital devices. He is the type who would have his phone on airplane mode and come asking why it does not work. He only know how to call, forward texts and stickers, and texts through audio. Even singpass, i have to change the password for him each time he needs to use it as he simply cannot rmb the password, even if i have it written down and told him to keep it he still loses it - hence why i was so skeptical and cautious about sending the link since from the start)
Due to him starting to get aggressive and questioning me, i said that i can settle this for my dad when im back temporarily in a month. He tried to “teach” me again, saying yes digital is tough but he can learn. he then tried to make it seem like i am the bad person, saying “you dad still needs to eat during that month before you’re back right?”. i did not reply him any more after this.
- why he is so involved in my family matters? - we live in close distance to each other.
- why dont i trust him? my father spoils him a lot due to his family situation. Being told by my dad that that he is free to his moneys if he needs, S would take advantage of that and often self service the cash from my father’s wallet, even if my father was no around, and without asking or even informing after. The money he takes is no small amount either. its usually in the hundreds. he would scrunch up the money and close his hand into a fist so that my mother and i cannot see how much he took. he also used to ask both my parents for extra pocket money. even when my mother barely had a few dollars left in her wallet, he still took whatever was left, and told her not to tell his mother. He even asked me if i had any, and i was just a teen working part time while studying back then! Where does all these money go? clubs and gambling.
- why cant i just tell my father? i’ve tried. my father trusts him a lot, and does not believe me. i once showed my father a video of him at a beach club after he had taken money from him earlier that day, my father just brushed it off and said he’s just there to see the lights, he’s just playing.
- why doesnt my father ask me for help? S is home more than i am. he was unemployed for a long time, was on long term mc from NS, not studying for many years already and now just working food delivery.
now, i believe he even has my father’s ibanking details. he would just over over to our place and ask for my father’s phone, and my father would simply hand it over not even questioning what he is doing with it.
i dont know what to do now. I just want to protect my family. I feel frustrated at this whole situation. am i being too skeptical? am i a bad daughter? what should i do following this?
The thing is that, I do not want to make my self too vulnerable in front of my relatives and get them to mediate between my parents. So I understand that feeling of yours.