don’t read this if talk about food/weight bothers you
i think i post about this too much but im legitimately losing my mind… i know im being annoying im sorry its ok if no one replies i dont expect anyone to be able to help i just want to tell the void
my psychiatrist suspects i have an ed and he wants me to come back to weigh myself in a month and im so stressed because its been a month since i saw him and ive barely lost any weight… before i was just trying to prove something to myself now i feel like i have to lose more weight than i did before because he’s checking and idk what point im trying to prove but if he tells me i haven’t lost enough weight it might actually drive me over the edge. i’ve been eating far more than i should i know but its like once a day or one meal and a small snack at most and im still barely losing any weight… im too exhausted to exercise and i keep eating because i feel dizzy even though i know i shouldn’t. but im so stressed because i feel like i have a deadline and i know he’s going to tell me i haven’t lost any weight and he’s going to think im lying or something
im legit so exhausted and dizzy and my stomach hurts all the time im nauseas all the time and i can’t tell anyome about it and i feel like im going crazy… i dont even know why i feel this way when im clearly eating far too much and im just exaggerating but i cant anymore
im extra upset bc i only told him about it because my therapist made me even though im not underweight or anything so im clearly fine. now because of this i feel like i need to get worse because i’ll be judged otherwise… can’t talk to my therapist about it either because she wants to take a break and i won’t be seeing her for a while…
i genuinely can’t do this anymore… honestly im thinking of just not going to the doctor again
It’s such a difficult spot to be in. I hear how you recognise that there is some concerns with food and eating, and am so proud of that! That you did follow through with the instructions from your therapist to inform the psychiatrist as well, even though it can be very scary. The experience of weighing is scary and can be triggering. Psychiatrists come with the perspective of both physical and mental health, and is why this is part of the appointments. At the same time, I hear it creating some anxiety, of whether you have “met standards”.
I believe it’s why treatment is always best with both therapy and psychiatry. Psychiatry helps with any medications (which can help with more immediate distress or severe symptoms) and any physical concerns that comes with mental health challenges. But therapy helps with the emotional parts — like this anxiety and of course with the journey of reclaiming your eating habits and behaviours over time. It sounds very challenging that your therapist is on a break. Has any support been arranged for you in the meantime, or anyone you can speak to during the break?
At the end of it all, I want to affirm that those numbers on a scale do not determine who you are! Recovery is a process, and it might be absolutely dreadful to hear about your weight. But I encourage you to be patient with yourself, and recovery is non-linear. You’re also able to let your psychiatrist know that your therapist is away and see if they’re able to refer for some support in the meantime. Whatever it is one setback is not an end-all, but part of the bigger picture of recovery!
Hey @crabs , this sounds really tough, and I want you to know—you’re not annoying, and your feelings are valid. It makes sense that the appointment is stressing you out, but I don’t think that your worth isn’t measured by weight loss. Your body is telling you it needs care, not punishment from the lack of food. Feeling dizzy and exhausted doesn’t sound like an exaggeration… perhaps you can look at it as a sign that you need and deserve some form of support?
I get that reaching out is hard, especially if you feel judged. But your therapist and psychiatrist care about you, not the numbers. Even if your therapist is on a break, I was wondering if there is someone else you trust to depend on between your sessions?
If you’re thinking of skipping the appointment, maybe sit with that feeling. I wonder what if you went—not to prove anything, but just to be heard?
Im glad you reached out. I can tell how overwhelming and exhausting all of this is for you, and I just want you to know that you’re not alone in this. You’re not annoying, and you’re not exaggerating—your feelings are real, and they matter. You matter.
It sounds like there’s a lot of pressure on you right now, and I can only imagine how suffocating that must feel. The fact that you’re feeling dizzy, nauseous, and exhausted is your body telling you that it’s struggling, and I really wish you didn’t have to go through this pain alone. I know it might not feel like it, but you deserve to be cared for, and you don’t have to prove anything—especially not by hurting yourself.
I get why the idea of going back to the doctor feels unbearable. It sounds like their focus on your weight has made things even more stressful, like you’re being backed into a corner. But please, please don’t let this spiral get worse just because you feel like you need to meet some expectation. You don’t need to be “worse” to be taken seriously. You’re already struggling, and that’s valid enough.
I know your therapist is taking a break, and that makes this even harder. But if you can, try to reach out to someone—even if it’s just to say “I’m not okay.” You deserve support, not judgment. And if you ever feel like things are getting too dark, please reach out to someone who can help, whether it’s a crisis line, a friend, or even just writing it out like you’re doing now.
You don’t have to go through this alone. You’re not a burden, and you don’t have to punish yourself just to be “good enough.” You already are. Please be gentle with yourself. You matter.
I guess most importantly is, do you see a need for more support? And if so, that’s still something that should be open to discussion and you should be matched to some support nonetheless!
Regardless, take things step by step, and recovery is not an easy journey. It’s about doing your best to hold yourself accountable and show up for yourself, while being kind to yourself — a challenging balance indeed!
That makes sense as well to trust your therapist on this.
In the meantime, you are worthy to receive support, in whatever state you are in. Especially mental health professional support. Just like how everyone is deserving of being able to receive medical care, mental health care and support is no different.
Treat yourself kindly, as if you were treating someone else out there
I’m glad you’re open to giving him the benefit of the doubt. I know it’s hard when it feels like the focus is just on numbers, but your experience—how you’re feeling physically and emotionally—matters too. You deserve to be heard and supported, not just measured.
If it helps, maybe you could bring up how the weight focus is making you feel at your next appointment? Try to take control of the situation.
It’s so brave of you to trust your therapist’s guidance and acknowledge the need for a break—that’s a sign of deep strength, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. Healing isn’t always a straight path, and no matter where you find yourself on this journey, you are absolutely deserving of support and care. It’s okay to lean on others, especially during times when you feel uncertain or vulnerable. The fact that you’re working with your therapist shows that you are prioritizing your well-being, even if it feels hard to see the progress right now.
Your value is not measured by what stage of recovery you’re in, or by how much you think you “deserve” support—your worth is inherent. Everyone has moments when they struggle to see their own light, but even in those moments, you remain deserving of compassion and kindness, especially from yourself. You’re making steps, even when those steps feel small, and I hope you can extend yourself the grace that you so clearly give to others. You’re not alone in this, and there’s so much strength in reaching out for help when you need it.
that really means a lot
i guess i never thought about it that way because he mostly just focused on the numbers… but i could give him the benefit of the doubt