need some advice.. i know at my age now being in my early 20s i should be having my life figured out but covid made me feel like my whole life was paused and i never really went into “adult hood” experiencing my 18&21yo years.. eventually my friend recc me to get help when i turned 21. i started seeing a counsellor, was recommended to consider meds and went to a polyclinic eventually and sort of got diagnosed ish. eventually the first counsellor i met had left the job and asked if i wanted to be transferred. idk why but i said sure. fast forward, had a new counsellor which i felt sooo much more comfortable with to share etc and felt like i could be open and real (opened up much faster and more within a few months compared to the year w the first counsellor)
and then again, time goes by and this counsellor left too. i just met a new case worker for the first session and i feel soooo uncomfortable and now idk what i should do, maybe my anxiety was holding me back but idk. i feel bad to ask to swap case workers and just wanna ghost eventually and just dissapear. i mean eod im gonna eventually have to move on right and i should be having my life tgt right? i wanna just stop gg for sessions and to stop gg for doctor appts too. honestly idek why im writing here too
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and the fact that you reached out at all says something about you.
First, I’m really proud of you for taking that step to seek help when you did. A lot of people don’t, and you did. That matters.
To be honest, the fact that you noticed such a difference between your first and second counsellor is actually really valuable self-knowledge. You now have a much clearer sense of what kind of support works for you and what kind of connection helps you open up. That’s very valuable.
It’s completely understandable that the first session with someone new feels uncomfortable. There’s no rapport yet, no shared history, and that can make everything feel harder and more guarded. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad fit.. it might just mean it’s early days. If you’re not ready to ask for a swap yet, it’s okay to give it a little more time and see how it develops.
However, if you eventually feel like it’s genuinely not a good match, please don’t hesitate to ask to swap. It’s more common than you think. Case workers and counsellors are used to these request, it’s not a personal attack on anyone, and it’s not something to feel bad about. Your comfort and progress matters the most.
On wanting to ghost, I understand why it’s tempting. It feels like the path of least resistance. But the support you’ve been getting is there for a reason. Healing really isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow a timeline that says “by your early 20s you should have X figured out.” Consistency with your appointments, even when it feels uncomfortable, is often what quietly builds the foundation for things to feel better over time.
You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. You just have to keep showing up, for yourself. Be kind to yourself okay?
thanks for the reply, advice, and ur encouragement it means a lot knowing that whatever u feel is somewhat normal and valid..
but it’s been on my mind quite a lot since that first session and just can’t shake off that thought. if eventually i do want to change.. how should i go about it? i sort of have a next session planned for two weeks from now but idk what to say or do like should i ask in person but that’s giving me bigger anxiety on top of the anxiety i feel in sessions (which leads me to shut down and off and not be able to share) or should i drop a text which equally gives me as much anxiety but at least the words are sent out
Since this has been on your mind quite a lot since that very first session, that’s something worth paying attention to.
One thing you could try (if you feel comfortable with it), is being honest with your case worker about the anxiety you feel during sessions itself. You don’t have to frame it as “I want to switch” but maybe you could just share that you’ve been finding it hard to open up and that sessions feel anxiety-inducing for you. Her response to that might actually tell you whether this is a fit worth giving more time to or not.
If the thought of saying any of that out loud feels like too much, writing it down is a completely valid option. You could craft a message to send before your next session, so the words are already out there before you walk in. It doesn’t have to be long or perfectly worded, it can be something simple like “I’ve been feeling quite anxious about sessions and wanted to flag that before we meet”.
And if after giving it a bit more time you do decide you’d like to request a change, the same applies, a written message to your case worker is completely acceptable. You don’t have to do it face to face. But either way, please don’t let the discomfort of asking become the reason you stop going altogether. The ask is temporary, the support is ongoing.
