How should I seek help regarding narcissistic personality disorder and victim’s mindset? I feel so sorry towards the people I might have manipulated or raged at, should I apologise to them? Life feels so bleak if I have to continue on with someone like myself, the ‘bad person’ to everyone else. Every single group project, I feel like I end up making enemies with everyone else because of this. What should I do? I feel like I don’t have the courage to take responsibility of my own actions and it really scares me as to what kind of person I have become. I wallow in self pity everyday and I think its some sort of defence mechanism because I think that others cannot blame me if I have done something wrong or not well enough because i’m already having a hard time as it is. I feel like I cannot be happy because once that happens something bad will happen or someone will blame me for not working hard enough. i’m confused and lost because I don’t know what to do, scared and lonely because of who I am, maybe I shouldn’t exist and that is not even something someone should take pity of because I deserve it. oh no the whole page is filled with ‘i’ again, what should I do?
Hi @eeyorey
First of all, thank you so much for sharing with us your thoughts and concerns. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and self-awareness to recognize these patterns within yourself, and I commend you for that. The fact that you’re reflecting on your behaviors and their impact on others is a huge step in your personal journey.
I want to encourage you, that apologizing to those you feel you might have hurt or manipulated can be a part of the healing process! It’s a brave and responsible step to acknowledge any past actions that might have caused pain or distress to others. And it’s important to approach these apologies with sensitivity and understanding that the other individuals might need time and space to process your words.
The feelings of remorse and concern about your interactions with others, particularly in group settings, are undoubtedly distressing - and anyone in the same position would feel the same too. The fear of being seen as the ‘bad person’ can be indeed overwhelming, and I’m glad to see you taking the first step toward change, and you’re demonstrating this by seeking guidance 
Perhaps the self-pity you experience might indeed be a defense mechanism, a way to shield yourself from further blame or criticism. Exploring this further, possibly with the help of a professional, could shed light on this pattern and help you find healthier coping mechanisms. One of the ways you could seek help is through any of the Family Service Centres or even through an online platform - these options have qualified professionals to help you understand the root issues clearer.
Some online options:
Limitless : Talk To Someone - Limitless
CPH chat : https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us
IMH CHAT : Home - CHAT
ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg
I want to affirm you - that you are not alone in this struggle, and to remember that growth and change are possible! You’re not defined by your past actions, and there’s always room for growth and change as you work through this difficult time.
Continue to take small steps towards self-improvement through awareness! We’re here for you, and here to support you through. Let us know how you’re coping and what you’ve decided to do? Hear from you soon!