Hey guys, what are yall definitions of a red flag in a relationship? So I knew this guy, call him A, one of my friends, call her J, dated him for some time and they broke up last year december because she said he wasn’t taking the relationship as seriously as he was, and a lot of other stuff. then she told me a few months ago, maybe april, that he had a new girlfriend (H) , so she warned H about him, and they broke up. honestly he might look good on the first look but then you spot the unibrow and things go under… then now J said that A had another girlfriend (call her Y), and H told J that Y was a really weird person who was lesbian, thats what Y told H, but now Y is dating A??
the thing with A is that he knows no boundaries, when he was with J, he would go to sleepovers with other girls and would let his friends spam call J, and he was also a really dry texter and didn’t know how to make a girl happy. really sucks, seems to me. like think about it, J and A broke up in december and it’s only september, its not even a year yet and he switched between 3 different girls.
idk if what i’m saying is making sense cuz there’s so many letters, but do yall also think A is a really bad boyfriend?? also what are yall standards when it comes to red flags??
Hi @justagirl Hm, I realise red flags differ from person to person. For me, I think when there is an intention to hurt someone, that’s a really big red flag for me! That said it doesn’t mean that the person was born a red flag, or cannot change to be better in future or anything like that. A red flag to me just means that perhaps there are some emotions or behaviours that show that a person might not be ready to have a relationship at this present moment.
It’s hard to say whether a certain behaviour is for sure a red flag or not, and I think I can’t say for certain if A is a bad boyfriend. Perhaps that question requires more context, and there may not be a right or correct answer. But maybe thinking about why A’s behaviours create feelings of discomfort might let you know what’s an ick in relationships/a partner, or something you doesn’t sit well with you!
Don’t worry, it makes sense. You’ve done well to respect others’ privacy while helping us to understand the situation.
Personally, I see red flags as “warning signs” or behaviours that might cause concern or make you question someone’s character. I agree with @lilac that they are subjective, shaped by social norms, personal experiences, and values. That doesn’t necessarily make someone a bad person/boyfriend—sometimes red flags show that a person needs support, isn’t emotionally ready, or simply doesn’t align with someone’s standards. Or maybe something else altogether.
It could help to reflect on why A’s behaviours make you uncomfortable or question if he is a bad boyfriend. Is it because they clash with your values, because others have said it’s “bad,” or because it causes you pain or doubt? Asking these questions can help you understand why you hold certain beliefs, what you need and expect in relationships, and where incompatibilities might lie.
I can’t say whether A is a “bad boyfriend,” since I don’t have the full context—and I’m not sure that label is helpful anyway. From what you’ve shared, it may be that A still has growing to do and isn’t fully ready for a serious relationship. Having multiple relationships in a year isn’t unusual; for some people, it’s about not wanting to be alone, while for others it’s part of figuring out what they want.
It’s good to think about these things. Let us know if you have other questions or need to talk through your thoughts.
