I have or I feel it’s a problem for me!
I avoid relationships because of past trauma. There are times where I do find someone attractive but once I heard something bad about the person, I distant myself away from the person I’m attracted to. Back then when my friends warned me about my ex and I didn’t listen, I ended up being hurt and cheated on. Now that whenever people gave me the same warning, I’ll listen to them instead. Idk what I’m doing is right because if more than 1 person warns me about the person being a red flag, it’s not wrong to protect myself right? At the same time I feel that everyone has their flaws so I just don’t quite understand how relationships work in this case? My friends say it’s all up to fate but how am I gonna find a successful relationship if all the people I was attracted to are red flags or proclaimed red flag by others?
I think everyone has red flags including u n me n have to accept red flags or change them cuz no one is perfect n neither r u n me. As long as those red flags doesnt affect u to a point i guess, so just find someone w least red flags or change for the better?
The next part isnt advice n is just sharing sbout my life. I feel that my situation makes me undatable so i just look for casual rs so red flags dont really matter so much compared to serious rs
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Understood! What if the red flags were something like cheating on their past partners, flirting with multiple people or having high body count?
Cause I’m someone who wants to date to marry/in a long term relationship so I wanna find someone who is serious
All u mentioned are red flags to me for long term or short term. Fling wise, i think that it will be too short to even know about those red flags of their past
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What u mentioned [quote=“user1394, post:1, topic:20812”]
feel that everyone has their flaws so I just don’t quite understand how relationships work in this case?
[/quote] Its really true everyone has flaws. And its natural to steer clear of the red flags, to be cautious becos of the past. I dun have a lot of exp with dating, but i see from baby boomers who had married for long time ie my folks they din reflect on such stuff hence often argue and fight 
And i wld be cynical like why they get married when din have true love. Since we can reflect, may not be perfect but u have choices
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Wa tough question to answer in life hahaha
I think everyone’s red flags are different. There may be some common ones like you said hor, like cheating. But even then I know of relationships who survive through cheating and adultery cos maybe there are other things that matter more to the couple (no matter what others think right or wrong, to each their own). Fate probably plays a part in finding a life partner, yet I feel being ready when that opportunity comes is crucial for that fate to even have a chance of working out for you~ right before I found my own partner in life, I had experienced ups and downs in relationships before coming to my own clear conclusions of what I firmly believe I want in my partner - and that’s so specific to me and how I know I am like and how I know my partner will ideally be naturally so that we will be able work through challenges in our life ahead :’) like I know I treasure someone who puts family first, but I have friends who need their partner to put ambition/themselves first etc etc. it boils down to how much you know of yourself so you know how you can be present in a life relationship and know what qualities you need in your partner to complement you. Once there is that clarity, I think the supposed red flags others tell you about, will just be extra info you have to process to properly form your opinion of a person, instead of these becoming noises in your judgement of a person~
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I guess everyone has shared their pov on red flags so I will just share my exp. I too, have a bad trauma after my first rs. What I did after that was not to look for a partner immediately. Rather, I focused a lot on myself. Went on solo trips (be careful though), joined more community, events, volunteering, or just do what you like. As time goes by, you eventually will meet more people and you will know what kind of person you want to spend your life with.
You will eventually also know what kinds of red flags you won’t accept. Tbh just ignore what people say about their red flags. A guy who spends more time with his parents is a red flag to others, but if you wanna find a partner to start a family with, is this really a red flag to you?
It’s good to ask for others’ opinions on this, but I rather you focus on yourself first. You are your priority.
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