Basically im starting to talk to this girl after not talking to anyone for almost a year now and it scares me a bit cus my ex was not good for me she was quite toxic and its kinda left me in a bad place confidance wise when it comes to girls and in general and im not sure if im ready for this or if im over reacting or what its also like im looking for these tiny reasons not to go out with her and the little red flags all because shes not the perfect person for me yk? But help would be appreciated since idk what to do i might see the school nurse when i start school again since its not just relationship stuff thats bothering me
Dear @DavidDavido
Thank you for airing out what has been troubling you. I believe what you are feeling strikes a chord with many among us who have been in a past toxic relationship. Inevitably there is now fear and self doubt when talking to someone new. We can’t help this, being extra cautious. No one wants to get hurt again.
What you are describing sounds like anxiety intertwined with low confidence after a bad experience. The habit of scanning for tiny red flags or feeling unsure if you’re “ready” is often anxiety in disguise.
May I recommend not to rush or decide anything right now. Practise being fully present and get to know her at your own pace and comfort level. Go slowly, and in the process become more self aware. By noticing whether your urge to pull away is coming from fear rather than actual discomfort may help you choose responses more aligned to values.
It’s responsible of you to see the school nurse to address other issues you are facing. If possible see the school counsellor too to share about anxiety, confidence, and how your past relationship has affected you in the present.. The counsellor will listen non judgementally and provide a safe environment to process thoughts emotions and behaviours. Over time, I believe you will rebuild your confidence so keep at it, little by little.
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hey @DavidDavido! as @CaringBee mentioned, it makes a lot of sense that after being in a toxic r/ship where your confidence took a hit, you’d feel shaken & unsure when talking to sb new. you’re not broken for feeling this way — your guard is just up bc you don’t want to get hurt again.
looking for tiny red flags or reasons to pull away could be your mind trying to protect you. at the same time, no one will ever be “perfect”. it might help to take things slowly and just get to know her first, without pressuring yourself to decide anything yet. you’re totally allowed (and in fact encouraged) to pause, observe, and check in with how you feel as things unfold.
the fact that you’re considering seeing the school nurse alr shows a lot of self-awareness, and that’s a rlly good step. be gentle with yourself as you navigate all this, ok? wishing you all the best 
Hey @DavidDavido! It sounds like you are instinctively being extra cautious about pursuing things due to the dishonest nature of your previous relationship, and that is just your brain’s defense mechanism. Since you mentioned being unsure if you are “ready for this”, I think it would be best to be honest with this new girl about the conflict you are facing. It is important to have open discussions from the get go to ensure shared communication is a constant, should you wish to pursue things further. Like other commenters have mentioned, try your best to ease back into romantic relationships as it sounds like you may not have fully processed the hurt from your previous relationship. Definitely speak to the school nurse! I’m sure she will be able to help validate and work through your feelings alongsided you. Please take care and I hope everything goes well for you! 
Hey there, thanks for sharing something so personal. It makes a lot of sense that you feel this way. After a toxic relationship, it’s normal for your confidence to take a hit and for your mind to go into “protect mode,” scanning for reasons to pull away. That doesn’t mean you’re broken or overreacting. It means you were hurt and you’re trying not to be hurt again.
You don’t have to decide anything right now. It’s okay to take things slowly, get to know her without pressure, and check in with yourself along the way. Not looking for perfection is important, but so is honouring your boundaries and your readiness.
Seeing the school nurse sounds like a really good step, especially since there’s more than just relationship stuff weighing on you. You’re being thoughtful and self-aware, and that already shows growth. Be gentle with yourself and take this at your own pace:)