Basically im starting to talk to this girl after not talking to anyone for almost a year now and it scares me a bit cus my ex was not good for me she was quite toxic and its kinda left me in a bad place confidance wise when it comes to girls and in general and im not sure if im ready for this or if im over reacting or what its also like im looking for these tiny reasons not to go out with her and the little red flags all because shes not the perfect person for me yk? But help would be appreciated since idk what to do i might see the school nurse when i start school again since its not just relationship stuff thats bothering me
Dear @DavidDavido
Thank you for airing out what has been troubling you. I believe what you are feeling strikes a chord with many among us who have been in a past toxic relationship. Inevitably there is now fear and self doubt when talking to someone new. We can’t help this, being extra cautious. No one wants to get hurt again.
What you are describing sounds like anxiety intertwined with low confidence after a bad experience. The habit of scanning for tiny red flags or feeling unsure if you’re “ready” is often anxiety in disguise.
May I recommend not to rush or decide anything right now. Practise being fully present and get to know her at your own pace and comfort level. Go slowly, and in the process become more self aware. By noticing whether your urge to pull away is coming from fear rather than actual discomfort may help you choose responses more aligned to values.
It’s responsible of you to see the school nurse to address other issues you are facing. If possible see the school counsellor too to share about anxiety, confidence, and how your past relationship has affected you in the present.. The counsellor will listen non judgementally and provide a safe environment to process thoughts emotions and behaviours. Over time, I believe you will rebuild your confidence so keep at it, little by little.
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