Recently I have this guy I really liked but because of my past toxic relationship, I tend to avoid him even when he approaches to talk to me. I want to talk to him I really do. But it’s the feeling of being rejected and hurt again scares me. It was 2 years ago since I left the toxic relationship, I was hurt physically and emotionally and was cheated on by my previous partner. I really want to be in love again but I just can’t bring myself to do it. People around me tells me why can’t I let go, I actually did BUT only recently when I fall in love again, I start to reflect back on the past.
I want to be approached instead of approaching someone because I used to be publicly humiliated for approaching the guy first. In my mind, I tell myself to let things flow the way it is. But my heart and my mind has been so opposite from one another that I feel really overwhelmed with emotions. To others, it’s not that deep since it’s just a crush. I don’t know what to think especially when I’m an overthinker too TvT
The feelings of fear is very real. I’m hearing as much as you want to let go, perhaps being in a similar setting of possibly pursuing romantic interest in someone may bring some of these past experiences back.
It sounds like you’re juggling these feelings of wanting to pursue this interest but there’s that what if. I’m wondering if pursue or not pursue were 0 to 100, what does a 35 or a 75 look like? Is there somewhere on the spectrum that feels more comfortable for you?
And even then, remember to give yourself time. There’s no rush and whatever time action or inaction happens, it will be the right time for you
That sounds really tough, and I just want to acknowledge how strong you are for even sharing your feelings. It’s completely understandable that after what you went through, opening up to love again feels scary. Healing isn’t linear, and sometimes, even when we think we’ve moved on, certain situations bring back old fears and insecurities. That doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress—it just means you’re human.
It makes sense that you want to be approached rather than making the first move, especially given your past experiences. There’s nothing wrong with that. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and wanted in a relationship. And I know it might feel like others don’t fully understand, but your feelings are valid, no matter how “small” they might seem to someone else.
If this person truly cares about you, they will appreciate and respect the pace at which you feel comfortable moving. You don’t have to rush yourself. Maybe start small—allow yourself to engage in conversations with him when he approaches, even if it’s just a little at a time. Trust your gut, and be kind to yourself in the process. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the past, but rather learning to not let it define your future.
You deserve love, and when you’re ready, the right person will meet you where you are. Take your time, and don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
