Hi. I currently keep relapsing abt my past relationship. My first love/my first ex. I dont know where to start but I’ll share everything here. I dont of i still cannot move on from him. I still care about him. I still stalk about him. Everyday and not even one day i miss thinking about him. Today he disable his main instagram and twitter which made me feel so sad and lonely because every day and night, i always stalk about him because i want to know his life update, how hes doing. What he thinking. And since he disable his two main socmed, i only got his life update through snapchat. I still grateful about it but still i keep think what bother him from disabled his ig and twitter. I knew his had another private acc but at the same time i understand those acc wasnt meant to be followed by me since i think he keep his life private. But somewhere i think he avoiding me. A little feeling in my mind thinking he still love me even a little. I knew he still care about me. But i’m afraid im just being delusional. I feel sorry to my current boyfriend for keeping someone else in my heart. Its been 4 years already and i still cant stop thinking about him. Do i considered as crazy? Attachement issue? Afraid of abandonment? I just want to be loved. My parents divorced since i was 3. I live with foster grandparent. I dont have foster parent. And i growing up with lacks of love and attention. No one really cared about me. And since he the first one who cared about me and that the first time i fell in love and the longest relay i had. He broke up with me because he lost feeling. I have no clue why. Everything just doing great that time, i got someone who loves me, who cared about me, but suddenly my wolrd just crashed, my heart ripped apart. And it affects me until today. I love my current bf but i cant stop thinking about my old lover. After we broke up, we still contact each other as friends but i dont think him as a friend. I really believe he’s still have a tiny feelings to me
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your struggles with us. I want to acknowledge the depth of your emotions and the pain you’re experiencing right now. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such vulnerable feelings. I hear that you’re grappling with a complex mix of emotions, memories, and longing from your past relationship.
It’s completely normal to have lingering feelings for a first love, especially when it was an important part of your life. It could also be that the impact of your parents’ divorce and growing up with a lack of love and attention may be contributing to the intensity of these emotions.
Your attachment to your first love and the difficulty moving on could indeed be connected to your early experiences of love and attachment. It’s very normal for past wounds to resurface in our current relationships, and it seems like he was a source of care and attention at a crucial time in your life, and losing that connection has left a lasting impact on you.
I want to affirm you that your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone in experiencing them. The fear of abandonment and the desire for love are powerful emotions that can be rooted in our early experiences.
Considering the complexity of your emotions, perhaps it could be good to seek support from a therapist, who can provide a safe space for you to explore and understand these feelings, help you process your current relationship, and work towards finding a sense of closure and peace. I also think it could be possible for you to process the grief that you’re experiencing at the same time.
I also want to encourage you, the fact that you’re aware of the impact on your current relationship is commendable. Perhaps it would be good to have open communication with your current boyfriend about your struggles and seeking professional support together could strengthen your relationship. You both can talk to a relationship therapist who can also help you to process these struggles together as a couple.
For both personal and relationship therapy, you can try reaching out to a mental health professional at any nearby Family Service Centre or speak to someone online:
- Limitless : Talk To Someone - Limitless
- CPH chat : https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us
- IMH CHAT : Home - CHAT
- ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg
- Carey Bear: https://carey.carecorner.org.sg/
Remember, there’s nothing wrong in seeking help. Please do reach out to a professional and process these feelings together. Let us know how else we can support you. Hear from you soon.