ifeel like i have suppressed my thoughts so much i dont even feel real. i have gone out with my friends but it just doesnt help nothing fills this hole of sadness, despair, loneliness inside me. like the joy in my life is being constantly sucked out. i dont want to talk to anyone but my ex, i just want that connection again where if i had a bad week or anything she’ll be there to listen. i feel so lonely without her. Like im a nobody without her. I know its bad to dwell in the past but it really really really tears me apart when i have continuos dreams of her night after night or seeing her in public or school and all the memories good or bad just rushes back into my mind again after taking months just to forget about her. seeing her or hearing her name just triggers me so much
hello @idkanymore ! I’m very sorry you’re experiencing these emotions. Not only is heartbreak emotionally taxing, but it is also draining. It gives the impression that nothing can replace the void left by that individual. And I understand that losing that connection may make the world seem colder, as if you’ve lost a piece of yourself, especially if you had someone who really saw you and was there when things became tough.
Despite how it may seem at the moment, you are not a nobody without her. Even when you’re not in that relationship, you’re still you. Please don’t be too harsh on yourself for missing her, even though I know it doesn’t make the grief go away. Dreams may occur, memories will emerge, and sometimes it will seem like you’re starting again. Healing is not a straight line. However, you’re not. You are making progress every day when you get out of bed and continue to go, even when it’s difficult.
You don’t need to make yourself feel OK. Simply treat yourself with kindness. Even if it seems like it right now, this suffering won’t endure forever. This is not unique to you.
Hey @idkanymore,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly. I can really hear the weight of what you’re carrying. Losing someone important to you is never easy, and it sounds like you’ve been feeling the loss of your ex so deeply that it’s affecting almost every aspect of your life. The dreams, the memories, and the triggers you experience—they’re all really heavy, and it makes sense that you feel overwhelmed and for you to feel like your identity or sense of self was tied up with your ex, especially when the bond felt so strong. The sadness, despair, and loneliness you’re feeling are valid responses to this loss, and it makes sense that you’re struggling with the triggers that keep bringing you back to those memories. It’s tough when the past keeps resurfacing.
You mentioned feeling “like a nobody without her,” and that really stands out. It sounds like this relationship was central to how you saw yourself, and now, without it, you’re feeling lost. I want to encourage you to remind yourself that your worth goes beyond whatever you have defined by this relationship. Even though it may feel like you’re empty now, there’s so much more to you that exists beyond this.
Right now, its clear that you’re in a lot of pain, and so it’s hard for you to see a way out of it. You’re not being selfish for wanting to heal, and it’s okay to be where you are. I know it may not seem like it right now, but even if it takes time, healing from a loss like this often requires patience and self-compassion, and it’s important to honour your emotions without trying to rush through them.
I also hear that you’re seeking connection, particularly from your ex, but I want to gently encourage you to also seek connection with yourself. What you need right now is to nurture your relationship with yourself, to find ways to be kind and gentle with yourself as you navigate these feelings. When you’re ready, we can explore ways to reconnect with others in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling like a “burden.”
You’ve already done a really courageous thing by reaching out for support. That’s a huge step, and I want to acknowledge that, and we are here to support you through this process, one step at a time.
Take care of yourself, and let’s keep checking in. You’re stronger than you know, and you’ll get through this.
If you like, we can explore ways to manage the triggers and emotions more effectively. Do you feel that it might be helpful to create some tools together to ease the pain and support your healing journey?