i dont think i’ll ever move on

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some context. this started around the end of last year, me and my ex started talking again. It started off just by texting and calling. As time went by we would go to school tgt, hang out everyday and just do things tgt. All of those couple things went on for a few months. she didnt know i still loved her and i just decided to tell her one day. She was surprised but said that she wasnt ready for a relationship due to her previous one. i didnt think much about it so i stayed. months went by, texts become drier and all of a sudden she stopped talking to me. never seen her since.

i was doing fine until she messaged me a few days ago, i havent opened the chat. I really want to but i dont want to at the same time. I want to know how she’s doing but i just cant bring myself to do it. All my friends just tell me to ignore it or other stuff like just move on but i cant at the same time. I hate that i still have strong feelings for her, i dont know how to get rid of it. I have this feeling that we’ll find our way back to each other or shes the one for me but im scared to do it again because of what happened last time. i find myself going back to her every chance i get. i want it to be her but she has dated other guys who are way better looking and know how to handle a relationship properly but i cant. Its starting to feel like a curse. i dont hate her but damn

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Hi @idkanymore,

Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re caught in a really tough spot, feeling torn between wanting to reconnect with your ex and fearing the possibility of getting hurt again. I can hear how much you still care about her, and how difficult it is to balance those feelings with the reality of what’s happened between you.

It’s completely understandable to have these conflicting emotions. When we care deeply about someone, it’s hard to just turn those feelings off, even when we know it might be better for us to move on. It’s also natural to feel some uncertainty about what to do next—whether to open that message or let it be.

One thing that stands out to me is the way you’re comparing yourself to the other guys she’s dated. It’s really important to remember that everyone brings something different to a relationship, and just because you might see them as “better” in some ways doesn’t mean they’re better for her or that you’re not good enough. Relationships are about connection and understanding, not just about who checks the most boxes.

It sounds like a part of you is holding on to the hope that you and your ex might find your way back to each other, and that’s okay. Hope can be really powerful, but it can also keep us in a place where we’re not fully able to move forward. I wonder if you’ve had a chance to think about what’s best for you—not just in terms of what might happen with her, but in terms of your own happiness and well-being.

It’s also okay to not have all the answers right now. Sometimes, it’s enough just to sit with these feelings and allow yourself to process them without feeling like you have to make a decision immediately. If you’re comfortable, we can explore these feelings together, and maybe find a way to ease some of the pain you’re experiencing.

Please know that you don’t have to navigate this alone. It’s okay to feel stuck, and it’s okay to take your time figuring out what’s next. Whether or not you choose to open that message, it’s important to take care of yourself and focus on what will help you find peace and clarity.

Take care of yourself, and feel free to share more if you’d like. We are here to listen and support you through this.

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My mind’s in a complete mess i dont know where to begin. Its like she’s a part of me i cant get rid of. even if she does me wrong i still find a reason to love her. im scared to lose her because i dont think i’ll ever find anyone like her again. Sometimes i dont even know why i feel this way. I feel stuck in a loop where all these happens again and again. It feels so exhausting having these feelings of love and hate.

my close friends tell me that she asks/talks about me sometimes. i dont know if she wants to talk to me or its just out of curiosity. I want to fix things with her but im just gonna waste my time if she’s just going to leave later on. i just wanna be left alone but not replying to her also makes me feel guilty. theres so much more to say but i cant think anymore.

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Hi @idkanymore,

Thank you for opening up about what you’re going through. I can sense just how much this relationship means to you and how deeply you’ve invested in it. It’s no wonder that the thought of letting go feels so overwhelming—especially when it feels like you might never find something like this again.

When we put so much of ourselves into a relationship, it can feel like that connection is a part of our identity, making it incredibly difficult to imagine moving forward without it. It’s understandable that you’re afraid of losing her because it feels like losing a part of yourself.

At the same time, I hear you struggling with the fear that if you try to reconnect, you might end up in the same painful place again. This back-and-forth is exhausting, and it’s okay to feel conflicted. It’s also important to recognize that these strong emotions are a testament to how much you care and how deeply you feel things.

It might also be worth exploring whether there’s a part of you that sees this relationship as another chance to do better, to make things right in a way that perhaps didn’t happen in the past. This hyper-critical part of ourselves can often push us to hold on, thinking that if we just try harder, we can make it work this time.

I wonder if there’s a sense of pressure—maybe related to your age or where you are in life—that makes you feel like this relationship has to work. If it’s not about age, could it be that your self-esteem is playing a role? Sometimes, when we don’t feel confident in ourselves, we might worry that there won’t be another chance in the future, which can make it even harder to let go.

It might help to reflect on what you’re truly seeking. Is it the comfort and familiarity of the relationship, or is it something within yourself that you’re trying to hold onto? Sometimes, when we’re afraid of not finding something equivalent outside of a relationship, it’s because we’re looking for reassurance or validation that we’re not able to give ourselves.

This doesn’t mean you need to make a decision right away. Instead, it’s about giving yourself the space to explore these feelings and to consider what you need to feel whole—whether that’s within this relationship or beyond it. You’ve already shown tremendous strength in facing these emotions head-on, and that’s something to be proud of.

If you ever feel like you need someone neutral to talk to about this, whether it’s a friend, a counselor, or someone else you trust, don’t hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to go through this alone, and sometimes just having someone listen can help you find clarity.

Remember, it’s okay to take your time, be gentle with yourself, and know that whatever path you choose, it’s about finding what brings you peace and fulfillment. Take care of yourself.

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First of all, I’m not a professional therapist, psychiatrist or doctor whatsoever and I just want to give advice to others since I’ve once been in this situation and I certainly don’t think that my advice is best but it’s blunt.

Straight into your description of her, she probably knew that you still loved her but either didn’t want or wasn’t ready to get back together. HOWEVER, without knowing her, I cannot say for sure if she’s genuine or not since you said that she has dated other guys. From my experience, their are girls out there that like to “toy” with guys’ feelings and she could belong in that group.

So what I want you to do is to identify if she’s a player or a keeper. This is actually pretty easy to spot:
Was she actively talking to guys when you guys were dating? If no then she’s good.

How many guy best-friends does she have? Ideally none but depending on your generation, perhaps 1 is ok as long as they are gay.

How long did she find another boyfriend both after and before dating you? Mostly depends on the person but if she’s with someone new after ~ 1 week of breakup every time then it’s NOT a good sign.

Congratulates if she’s actually a keeper or you just lied about it because from her “behavior” (for lack of a better word) it would suggest that she actually still cares about you a teeny tiny bit.

Personally, I would have definitely avoided telling her straight up that you still love her because it created discomfort in the friendship, mostly towards her. But it was done and past so don’t think much about it at this point since you guys both know.

Lastly, I would suggest you read what she sent you but handle your emotions at the same time because you don’t know what to expect.

One scenario, if she sends something that indicates she wants to get back then I guess you guys should since you clearly still love her but without knowing why you guys broke up I can’t really say more.

Other scenario is that she says she’s not ready or the chance of getting together is like -100% then it’s time to accept that the time is gone. There are 8 billion people on the planet but the genders aren’t split 50-50 so there’s bound to have singles and it’s the way life work, why everyone can’t be millionaires. What you might find helpful is closure, personally it didn’t really help me when my ex said she wanted to focus on studies because it was a closure but just not a very good one.

Do keep me and others posted if you found this somewhat helpful and I hope you’ll be happy with your final decision(s).

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thank you for sharing, sounds like you’re having a hard time deciding whether you want to get back with your ex or not. i think it would help to really take a moment and reflect on your relationship with your ex. for example, reflect on the pros and cons of the relationship. this means that you really have to think back on both good AND bad memories, how they made you feel, and whether it is worth it to continue the relationship. for example, if there are more bad memories than good, are you able to tolerate it if you reconnect with your ex again? or, are you guys able to work through these problems if you guys got back together?

also try not to compare yourself with other people! everyone loves differently, and every couple forms their own unique connection with each other. what you’re able to offer in a relationship, others might not be able to. and vice versa. but at the end of the day its really the connection that forms between 2 people that matter. plus there’s a reason why past relationships are a ‘past’, no matter how attractive someone’s past partners are, the fact is that things just didnt work out for them.