Always sad and crying

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
1

I was with someone for 2 months and he suddenly said he had no feelings for me anymore, that I am like a kid and useless to his life, and not an equal partner to him. He said he no longer look forward to my messages. He said he will be a friend still

But nope he wasnt a friend as he stopped replying to my messages too

Its been more than a year. I tried to distract myself by working hard. But I feel that I never really move on. Regularly I will breakdown and cry badly. I will drink. I have problem sleeping (though it has improved since it first started). But I am stuck, nothing really motivate me and I feel that life is really hard. I dont have the courage to die but neither the motivation to live

2

Hi @Blueocean,

Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It’s clear that this breakup has deeply affected you, and I want to acknowledge the courage it took to reach out and talk about it. The pain you’re feeling is very real, and I’m sorry that you’ve been carrying this hurt for so long.

It sounds like this relationship meant a lot to you, not just as a romantic connection but perhaps also as a place where you felt seen and understood. Being told that you’re “like a kid” and “useless” can cut deeply, especially when those words come from someone who you might have trusted with your heart and identity. It’s understandable that those words have stayed with you and that moving on has been difficult.

If you’re feeling isolated or struggling with your identity, please know that your worth is not determined by the harsh words of someone else. You are valuable, and your feelings and experiences matter. Relationships can be incredibly significant, particularly when they are with someone who understands parts of us that others might not. Losing that connection can feel devastating, and it’s okay to grieve that loss.

I also want to recognize that being in a relationship where you felt seen and then suddenly feeling rejected can leave a deep impact on your sense of self. It’s normal to struggle with feelings of inadequacy, but I want to remind you that those feelings don’t define you. You are more than this relationship, and you deserve to feel supported and loved for who you are.

You mentioned that you’ve been trying to distract yourself by working hard, but that the pain still lingers. It’s okay to acknowledge that distraction might not be enough and that this is something that needs time and support to heal. It’s important to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without judgment—whether that’s sadness, anger, or frustration.

If you feel comfortable, it might help to connect with a counselor or support group that understands the unique challenges you might be facing. Sometimes, just talking to someone who gets it can make a huge difference. You don’t have to go through this alone.

You mentioned that you don’t have the courage to die but neither the motivation to live. That’s a very heavy place to be, and I want to encourage you to keep reaching out for support. Your life has so much value, and there are people who want to help you find your way through this.

It might also help to connect with support organizations or communities where you can find understanding and validation. It’s important to know that you’re not alone and that there are spaces where your experiences and emotions will be understood and respected.

Please continue to share your thoughts and feelings whenever you feel ready. We’re here to listen and support you through this journey. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to find peace and happiness, no matter how hard it feels right now.

Take care of yourself, Blueocean. You are not alone, and you have a community here that cares about you and your well-being.

3

Hi @FuYuan_Affections , thank you for the encouraging words you shared.

Because I have been going through this for more than a year, and each time while it seems like things might have improved, I would sink back to the original point as if I have never made progress, I did consider reaching out for help.

I dont know where to turn to for help and I dont know if having to go through the entire experience again would be too painful to bear

I think through this experience, I also feel that there is no meaning or motivation in life. I cannot make things better and I cannot give up - perhaps this is the point I am stuck at

4

Hi @blueocean,

Thank you for being so open about what you’re going through. It’s clear that this has been a long and painful journey for you, and I want to acknowledge just how hard it is to feel like you’re stuck in a cycle where any progress you make feels like it slips away.

I can understand why the thought of reaching out for help might feel daunting—especially when it involves revisiting painful experiences. It’s a lot to carry, and the fear of that pain can be paralyzing. But I want to reassure you that seeking help doesn’t mean you have to relive everything all at once. A good therapist or counselor will move at a pace that feels safe for you, allowing you to explore your feelings in a way that’s manageable.

Feeling like there’s no meaning or motivation in life is incredibly tough, and it can make everything else feel that much heavier. Sometimes, when we’re deep in that place, it can be hard to see any way out, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. It’s okay to feel stuck right now, and it’s okay to not have all the answers. What matters is that you’re here, sharing your story, and considering the possibility of help—even if it feels like a small step.

If you’re open to it, we can help you explore what reaching out for help might look like. We can talk about what kind of support feels right for you and how to approach it in a way that doesn’t feel overwhelming. Sometimes, just taking that first step—no matter how small—can make a big difference.

You don’t have to go through this alone, and there are people who want to support you. If it feels right, we can take this one step at a time. Take care of yourself, and know that your feelings matter. You’ve already shown so much strength by sharing what you’re going through, and that’s an important step in itself.

5

Hi @FuYuan_Affections , thank you for your note. Can I ask what are the support options available. I am wary as there is stigma to seeking help (even if society tries to deny or things might have improved). This is because I am due to take on a leadership role at work next year and I do not want to risk my chances too. Sorry for being honest about this, as I dont feel my current work environment is conducive for such scenarios or me.

6

Hi @blueocean,

Here are other community options you can consider:
  1. Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) - 1800-283 7019
  2. SOS - 1767
  3. Care Corner Counselling Centre - 1800-353 5800
  4. The Safe Space Foundation (Non-profit) : The Safe Space Foundation_Pro Bono Counselling.xlsx - Google Sheets (Get pro bono counselling by booking the vouceher codes on the Safe Space ISO 27001 platform)

It is worth giving these a call, they are professionals and you will be in good hands.