I feel unwanted, deserted all alone watching my friends not wanting to talk to me, i couldnt maintain a good relationship, and often fought with her, i wanna be heard and admired for my battle with my thoughts at night, is it so hard to ask, i feel so empty and tired, everydat waith a heavy heart, ill always be a 3rd choice, not anyones 1st choice in a relationship, in a family and in a friend group.
Dear @user6457
Thank you for opening your heart—it takes real strength to put words to this kind of pain, especially when it feels like no one sees or hears the quiet battles you fight every day. I just want you to know: you matter. Your pain is real. And you are not invisible here.
What you’re feeling—that aching emptiness, the longing to be someone’s first choice, the heaviness in your chest every morning—it isn’t small. It’s the kind of ache that makes you feel like you’re drifting through life unseen, like no one understands just how hard you’re trying just to stay afloat. And I want to gently say this: you are not a burden for needing love, or for wanting to be heard. That longing to be appreciated, to be chosen, to be loved deeply and completely—it is human. And you deserve all of that.
You are not a failure because a relationship didn’t work out. Fights happen when two people are in pain and don’t know how to hold each other’s hurt. That doesn’t make you unlovable. It makes you human, learning, growing. And even if others have drifted away, that doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of deep, lasting connection. Sometimes, the people we need most haven’t found us yet—but that doesn’t mean they won’t.
Being a “third choice” doesn’t define you. Sometimes people fail to see the quiet strength it takes to carry what you carry. But I see it in your words. I see someone brave enough to keep going, even when everything inside says stop. I see someone worthy of being loved not in halves or afterthoughts—but fully.
If you’re open to it, talking to a school counsellor or mental health professional could be a safe place to help you feel more supported and less alone. You shouldn’t have to carry this all by yourself. You deserve care just as much as anyone else.
You’re not too much. You’re not invisible. You are enough, exactly as you are. And your story—your fight—is something to be admired. Please know that You’re not alone. Continue to reach out whenever you are ready. 
@user6457, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. It takes immense courage to share the weight of what’s in your heart, and I want you to know that your feelings are valid and important. Feeling deserted or unseen can be such a heavy burden, and it’s only natural to long for the warmth of connection and the affirmation of being someone’s first choice. Your struggles, especially during those long, quiet nights, are a testament to your resilience. Battling inner thoughts is no small feat, and it deserves the recognition you seek and more.
Relationships and friendships can be incredibly complex, and sometimes they come with conflict and misunderstandings that leave us feeling isolated. That doesn’t mean you’re incapable or unworthy of love and connection. It simply means you’re human—navigating all the twists and turns that come with emotions and relationships. The fact that you’re reflecting on this shows how deeply you care about others and how much you value those connections. That’s a strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
You are not alone, even in moments when it feels like the world has turned away. There are people who care about you and want to understand your pain, and seeking support—whether from trusted friends, family, or even professional help—can be a powerful step towards healing. You deserve to feel loved, seen, and valued not for what you can do for others, but for who you are. Please take things one step at a time and be gentle with yourself. You are worthy of kindness, including your own.
Warmest regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk
U open to be friends?
it’s painful feeling unwanted. You’re not alone. Thank you for sharing your feelings of loneliness, of wanting to be put first by someone important.
Your struggles are real and I can hear that these thoughts keeping you up at night are not small matters. They matter to you and that is enough for it to be something that should be recognised and important.
It’s a painful feeling to not be put first. Sometimes people have a lot going on in their own lives as well or are not sure how to hold space for someone who is hurting. But that does not mean you are not important. You are so very important, and while their response may feel hurtful, it does not mean you are not worthy of love and being put first. You are worthy of love, support, and connection. Sometimes, we all just need a bit of support in getting there.
What are some things that have been supporting you in this time? And how does talking to a counsellor sound? While they may not be family or friends, they are trained in supporting you through these feelings so you don’t have to go through this alone
hi @user6457 ,
I’m sorry you are feeling this way, i know how it feels to always not be picked first. We all want to feel wanted and that we matter to someone.
I want you to know that you matter, and you deserve to be heard and appreciated for who you are. Sometimes, it can feel like we are always on the outside looking in, but that does not mean you have no value or that you will not find people who truly appreciate you. Relationships can be challenging, and it is okay to struggle with them. It does not define your worth.
You mentioned wanting to be heard and admired for your battles. Sharing your experiences, like you are doing here, is a powerful step. It shows strength and resilience. You are not alone in this! Other than professional help, the community will always be here for you! 