** These aren’t actual voices, I think they are just thoughts in my head that pop up sometimes. I’m not diagnosed with any mental illness.
One voice feels like the left brain, smart and rational but irrational too. The other is like the right brain, which wants to feel and express themself, but Left Brain and also external factors make me feel “emotionally constipated”.
Left Brain wants to punish me. One day I was heading to a convention with friends but I was running very late, my friends kept asking me where I was and I kept telling them I was on the way. There was a point where they said they already finished looking around the convention and buying stuff so now they were eating at burger king. At that point, the Left Brain voice “told” me to tell them that I’ll just eat and shop at the convention by myself since I didn’t want to waste their time looking through the same booths. This was my punishment for my mistake of being late. Fortunately, my friends said that it’s ok and they will just do another round of shopping with me. It made me tear up a bit to know that I have friends now that won’t give up on me so easily. But Left Brain insisted that my inadequacy was the reason my previous friends started to drift away. I spiraled a bit on the way there, what if my friends would hate me after this or won’t admire me as much anymore? However the good time I had that day outweighed that initial shame I felt, so at least it ended on a good note.
Right Brain has a lot to say, but they don’t know when to say it. The negative emotions I feel end up getting repressed and put into the back of my mind. When I make a mistake or feel down, that storm of negative emotions and experiences turns up and I want to cry because it hurts and I want to tell someone about it but no one feels safe. I made a small change when this storm appeared, I wanted to tell my father but I hesitated because recalling to previous experiences, he brushed me off. But I tried it anyway, I told him that I want to tell you my problems, but it always seems like the answer is to “stop crying” and the problem doesn’t matter and it’s all trivial, or maybe it’s just hormones, but it hurts and I want it to stop. He said he was sorry, and that he is always there to listen. Afterwards I ranted to him about some issues I’ve been dealing with and I felt better. But even now I still hesitate, because I might not make sense or I’ll just be brushed off again.
This is especially the case when it comes to my ex. I don’t talk about her anymore, but when I would bring her up, my friends would say “Just forget about her” or “If you wanna know how she is, why don’t you just text her?” (terrible advice). One time I was yapping about something, then my friend asked me “Are you ok??” and I immediately responded with Yes even though I got something goin on, but I still wouldn’t tell them cuz I wouldn’t want them to worry and I don’t wanna look weak. I know that doesn’t make sense, and I know that we would even be closer if I confided in them, but people come and go, and I’m worried that I might be wasting all this closeness on people that won’t stay. I said I wasn’t really facing any problems, but then my friend brought up my ex saying that “the relationship mattered a lot to you.” I mean they aren’t wrong, but I guess Left Brain was saying that it SHOULDN’T matter anymore, so I didn’t wanna talk about it and I left. It’s so funny, I’m in this constant echo chamber of what-ifs that I wanna discuss with someone, but when the opportunity arises I’M the one that brushes it off in fear that I’ll sound delusional. More recently, I’m semi-convinced she’s probably dead or changed schools cuz I don’t see her anymore. I can’t tell this to anyone cuz I think no one cares enough to listen. Even if I try to open up, I listen to myself halfway and just stop and get frustrated because I think I sound dumb, it might be Left Brain suppressing me again.
To explain a bit better, Left Brain feels like a negative voice in my head and Right Brain feels like my voice trying to challenge Left Brain’s criticisms or trying to express itself. If I just let my mind be idle, Right Brain tends to “say”: “please love me” “why won’t you love me” “dont leave me please”. Right Brain might bring up scenarios from the past where I messed up and it’ll make them worse by adding worse stuff that didn’t happen. Left Brain kind of helps here by snapping me out of it, but in a painful way. I’d slam my fists into each other or onto a surface. It hurts but it gets me out of the spiral before I get stuck. I think I’m missing something in my life or in my mindset which is causing this loop of bad thoughts then hitting myself to “wake up” from them. What am I missing?
I’ve probably just described a normal human experience, maybe it’s part of adulting and just life in general. It always seems like my problems can’t be helped and there’s nothing I can really do about it 
…I feel so tired after writing all this. If you’ve read this whole thing, I truly thank you for witnessing my words. Have a good day.