Is someone considered a good person despite having moments where they come up with really dark, narcissistic, judgmental, and selfish thoughts? I usually try to combat these thoughts by using logic or come up with reasons as well about why I shouldn’t be judging others (especially because I’m terrified of being judged myself) but I can’t tell if it’s working. And I’m afraid I might drive myself crazy trying to pay attention to every time I come across this way or trying to find out every other way I’m failing to be good enough or perfect.
Hey @tryingtheirbest. I want to acknowledge something first. Your username ‘tryingtheirbest’ really stood out to me because that’s exactly what I see in your post. You’re showing up, learning, unlearning, and wanting to grow into someone better. Maybe you were taught to be judgmental, narcissistic, selfish at some point, but the fact that you’re questioning it now already speaks volumes.
I hear how much pressure you put on yourself to always be ‘good enough.’ The truth is, everyone has thoughts they don’t like: judgmental, selfish, or even dark ones. That’s part of being human. What really defines you isn’t the thoughts themselves, but what you choose to do with it. And right now, you’re choosing awareness and reflection. The fact that you even care about this shows just how much kindness matters to you.
And goodness isn’t perfection, it’s about how you keep coming back to your values, even when your thoughts wander. The fact that you’re questioning, pausing, and choosing kindness again and again, is proof of your integrity. Maybe instead of fighting every thought, you can start trusting the bigger picture of who you are becoming.
I hope you can give yourself permission to be human, messy thoughts and all.
May you continue to find proof in your own actions that you are already ‘good enough,’ even without being perfect 
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Hi @tryingtheirbest,
It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden - constantly monitoring your thoughts, fearing judgment, and questioning your own goodness. You’re aware of the darker parts of your mind, and even though you try to counter them with logic and empathy, it feels exhausting and never-ending. There’s a longing to be good, to be seen as enough, but also a fear that these fleeting thoughts might define you.
You’re not alone in this inner conflict, and the fact that you’re being honest about these struggles speaks volumes about your integrity and desire to grow. And just like your username, I can see that you are trying your best.
If you need to reach out for support in these difficult times, here are some resources to consider:
National Mindline: 1711 (Call) or +65 6669 1771 (Whatsapp). Available 24/7.
Samaritans of Singapore: 1767 (Call) or +65 9151 1767 (WhatsApp). Available 24/7.
Community Outreach Team (CREST), Community Intervention Team (COMIT) and General Practitioners (GP): mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore
Hope this helps! Feel free to let me know if you have questions about these resources. 
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
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hey @tryingtheirbest,
thank you for naming it so clearly and that tells me you know what matters to you… you don’t like these dark or selfish flashes, so you push them away with logic, like proof that you’re not that kind of person.
will you be comfortable to share… do you feel you need to prove this? if so, to who, that you’re good enough, or perfect? is there someone else you’re carrying around when you judge your own thoughts? the weight you put on them and the fear they decide who you are.
lets pause here… you’ve already shown you care enough to question yourself, and that care itself is a kind of goodness. isnt it good enough?
i guess i feel like i have to prove it to myself more than anything, because i keep trying to keep these thoughts at bay to stop myself from actually acting on any of them (especially the narcissistic ones) to those i care about around me.
and i know you and those above have mentioned that me questioning myself and trying to prevent those thoughts is a sign that i’m not that kind of person, but if that’s the case why do i keep having them? wouldn’t not having these thoughts in the first place be better than having them and then trying not to?
hey @tryingtheirbest,
wanting to prove yourself sounds like it comes from feeling unsure inside. do you sometimes feel worried that you might act on these thoughts? if yes, what do you picture would actually happen?
a lot of the fear comes from not knowing what to do with the thoughts. when we feel anxious, the mind looks for answers. when no answer shows up, the mind throws out scary ones instead. that doesn’t mean you’ll follow them. it just means your brain is busy when it feels unsure.
have you had the chance to tell someone you trust how often these thoughts appear? even just saying it out loud can take some of the weight off. sharing it here already shows how much you care about not letting these thoughts take over.
i feel like i’ve been acting on some of them already (e.g. talking a little passive-aggressively to some of my friends because i think i may be superior to them even though i really do appreciate them and i don’t entirely think i’m better than them). i’m just scared that this will start happening more often and with time, they’ll realise that i’m actually horrible and they’ll cut me off.
i haven’t told anyone i know about these thoughts. i just don’t think they’ll understand or know how to respond.
Hi @tryingtheirbest thank you for sharing, I can sense that it must be difficult sharing this deep and personal conflict you have inside. You experience urges to act in unkind ways, and you actively recognise and deny them, but this leads you to wonder whether that makes you a good or bad person.
It is almost impossible to never harbour an ill thought; after all, our brains are hardwired in a way such that its first intuition is to help itself, before considering whether it harms others. Having dark, selfish, narcissistic and judgmental thoughts are inevitable, as our brain thinks of many things at any point in time. In other words, it is out of our control, and you should not blame yourself for that.
What I think you’re worried about too, is whether you’ll end up acting on them and hurt others around you unconsciously. From what you’ve shared, you seem to reflect a lot on your thoughts, and strive to filter out the bad ones. I can tell you’re trying your very best to stop these unkind thoughts from consuming you, so you need not be so harsh on yourself. Accepting that you are trying your best to be a better person can be helpful towards making you one. The first step may just be to celebrate the kind acts you’ve done, rather than linger on the occasional unkind thoughts.
If it bothers you, don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your friends and family. I’m sure they’ll be able to understand your emotions, and give you a listening ear. You’re doing well, okay? 
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