for context, i’m a sec 3 student deemed as an overachiever by a lot of people. yet i feel inferior to everyone. my grades have been falling, my 5 ish projects have been failing, and i don’t get how some people do the same with more subjects on their hands, more commitments, and they still have time for social life + they do so well in everything.
the thing is, i WANT to be burnt out. i want to be able to outdo everyone when it comes to how busy i am, how many commitments i have. i foolishly chose double sci and pure humans when i was eligible for triple sci (and pure humans) and i think everyone judges me for being an “underachiever” or “not challenging myself” in that regard. maybe they look down on me.
i also noticed that whenever i see stories or hear of someone being overworked, i feel angry. angry that i’m not in more pain than them. angry that they’re better at me. angry that i’m not “suffering” as much as them, because deep down, i want to beat everyone at everything. no it’s not rational, yes I acknowledge that, yes I still wanna do it.
and why am i such a waste of effort and resources?? my parents do so much to help me, they provide me an amazing childhood, and yet i throw that all down the drain. what is wrong with me and how do i stop being such a failure.
i am just an underachiever. i am nothing but a waste i fear.
first of all, thank you for opening up to mindline. it takes a lot of courage to do that, and i’m really really glad that you did.
from what you’ve said, i really feel you; you must be so incredibly frustrated and exhausted. the amount of things you’ve been carrying right now is so heavy, and your feelings are completely valid.
as someone who’s also in upper sec, i get how you feel. i’ve also struggled heavily with my combined sciences too, and it sucks, but please know that you’re not a failure or a waste. double sci and pure humans must’ve felt so tiring, and you are not an underachiever for struggling with it. take things one day at a time. your worth is not tied to your grades, and it definitely isn’t tied to how much you are suffering or how burnt out you are.
i’m always open to listening, i hope you feel better soon <3
Thank you for sharing all of that. When I read what you have described about yourself, I could sense the pain you’re feeling and it also made me sad to hear how hard you are on yourself.
I imagine you already know this - that what people present online is hardly the full truth; just as you have described, people see you as an overachiever while you perceive yourself to be the opposite. The people you see who are juggling everything, are likely struggling/having to cut back on certain aspects of their lives as well.
I am curious about why you feel this immense need to be “burnt out” or to “suffer”… and what had made you believe so strongly that people judge you for being an underachiever? If you’d like to share more, I’m here to listen
You are not a waste, @idwtbsnnijws_192308! Your parents for one, provide you an amazing childhood because they love you - they gave you all of that even when you were a baby! Don’t you think that that’s proof that your worth isn’t measured by how productive you are?
thank you so much for everything you’ve said. as for what you asked about needing to be “burnt out”, to be honest i’m not sure. it just seems like everyone around me admires those who are on the brink of burnout, who are so busy they barely have time to breathe. and i want to be better than those people in the sense that i want to juggle more stuff, be better at everything than them. is it completely irrational, yes, but i want to be better at everyone and i hate that i want to.
thank you for your kind words!!! especially for your advice on taking things one day at a time, i’ve been trying that out lately and it kind of helps. thank you :3
You’re definitely right in observing that people seem to valorise hustle culture! Though, while this is the phenomenon we see, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good; I suspect you already know that as well! I imagine this can leave you feeling conflicted as well - something deep down is telling you this isn’t sustainable, while everything external to yourself is telling you otherwise.
I understand that it’s not immediately obvious to yourself as to why you feel the need to push yourself so hard, given that the noise around you is so loud. Yet, it is so important to understand our values. Values are an internal compass guiding the way we lead our lives, and when we align our actions with them, we often find that that inner conflict quietens From what you have described, I’m already starting to see that you value excellence - that is a good thing! However, I also see that you’re constantly benchmarking against others. While healthy competition is great as motivation, when we define “enough” as “better than others”, we enter into this never-ending race of one-upping each other and we will never have control over our own lives - sounds tiring doesn’t it
Could I perhaps suggest a little exercise for you to try if you’re feeling up to it? This is a quick activity: ACT Values Card Sort , where you can slow down for a bit and consider the other things that matter to you as well. I hope that you might find some values that you deeply resonate with, that are special to you, ones that don’t make you feel that intense “hate” for.
Your drive to improve and be better is a huge resource within yourself, and I hope with all my heart that you can see it as such
Your parents for one, provide you an amazing childhood because they love you - they gave you all of that even when you were a baby! Don’t you think that that’s proof that your worth isn’t measured by how productive you are? 
From what you have described, I’m already starting to see that you value excellence - that is a good thing! However, I also see that you’re constantly benchmarking against others. While healthy competition is great as motivation, when we define “enough” as “better than others”, we enter into this never-ending race of one-upping each other and we will never have control over our own lives - sounds tiring doesn’t it 