Am I in a toxic relationship?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

I get to know this girl from livestream. I’ve grown to like her a lot but she did not seem interested except the gifts that I gave her.

We would always have arguments that involve other male that she claims that is her friends, when you clearly know that the males is interested in her.

She will always say that I’m immature and childish and she will always treat me nicer when she needed me. But what I need is just a little more attention to me. Am I in the wrong?

2

Hi MrN0body

I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like you’re receiving confusing signals from this girl. It take courage to seek help on how to decipher the uncertainty and choose next steps to consider to overcome this stalemate. I believe how you are feeling is justified and understandable. I know many of us can identify with what you described, too.

May I recommend these reflection questions to consider:

  1. Are you seeking romantic or platonic attention?
  2. Have you communicated your feelings directly to her?
  3. Are her “friendships” with other males genuinely platonic?
  4. Are you feeling used or valued only for material support?

You could consider:

  1. Direct conversation: Express feelings, concerns, and boundaries.
  2. Evaluate her responses: Genuine interest or politeness?
  3. Reassess your priorities. Is the current relationship dynamic healthy, respectful fair and balanced? Be honest, Has the friendship run its course? Seeking help from a counsellor could help you process and clarify.

I fully believe you deserve friends who are respectful and appreciate you unconditionally. I recommend that you prioritise self-respect and emotional well-being and treat yourself with kindness. You deserve that, always. :heart:

3

Hi @MrN0body

It seems to me that you feel like you are getting gaslighted by your girlfriend, and you feel manipulated by her.

I’m sorry to know you are feeling this way. Relationships are complicated and often times there is no black and white answer to the questions that arise from it.

Have you tried to tell this girl your point of view and the feelings you feel from her treatment of you? It is important to discuss each side’s feelings and emotions for a healthy relationship (not sure if you guys are in a r/s or not or just friends but it applies still).

Discuss your feelings with her and if she still treats you as immature and childish, perhaps its best to admit to the fact that she may not be the right one for you. A healthy relationship is one whereby both are able to healthily talk things out and negotiate through problems, without gaslighting each other. A relationship requires both hands to clap, not just the effort of one.

All the best

4

Thank you for sharing how you feel. It is normal to feel frustrated, confused feelings especially in your situation.
You have also mentioned that you knew the girl from live stream. It sound like she is very popular. Usually people in your situation might consider,

  1. reflect internal feelings. Perhaps you are feeling in a certain ways due to a specific actions/words that she had mentioned to you such as insecurities or confusion.
  2. Discuss with her actions, and your thoughts. Then, decide the next step.

Overall, it is normal to feel in this way. I know it is not easy. But, at the meantime, it is also important to self-care/self-love.