Am I the problem? coming from a girl's pov

[messedupbun]

I think after trying to get myself out there to find someone to date, I seriously can’t help but think the christian dating scene really sucks. because i just can’t find any guy in my circles that i can say is a “potential”. Because ngl it’s like majority of them i just can’t help but be like “they are ok” and nothing else. And i think it’s also cause the things i am passionate about in the faith is something not many are passionate about. I have tried dating apps and even signed on with a plan under a dating agency and all didn’t work. I can’t help but wonder is it cause I have too high standards or cause there’s something wrong with my personality or i should have started earlier. And the thing is, i did ask my close girl friends and they said that there’s nothing wrong with me.

I would like to think that I’m still pretty young and not at like the age range where I’m pressured to get married asap, but it’s like i still think it’s ok to put yourself out there. but well, at this point, i just want to quit pursuing the matter and just focus on myself.

[pinkskies]

hey there, thank you for being so honest and vulnerable! i can hear how disappointing and discouraging this whole experience has been for you, especially when you’ve tried multiple avenues and still feel like you’re coming up short. it makes complete sense that you’re feeling frustrated and even a little disheartened .

it’s also completely valid to want more than “just ok”. you’re not being unreasonable for hoping to find someone who truly aligns with you, especially in sth as personal and important as your faith. wanting a partner who shares your passion and convictions doesn’t mean that your standards are “too high”. instead, it shows that you are intentional with your values and who you choose to be in a relationship with, which is actually a really admirable thing. and honestly, it wouldn’t do you or your future partner any justice to be in a relationship where there’s no real connection or attraction. both people deserve to be chosen fully and wholeheartedly.

i also wanted to emphasise – just because the journey hasn’t worked out so far does NOT mean that there’s something wrong with your personality. it’s so easy to spiral into that kind of self-doubt (i admit i’ve done so plenty of times!), but your friends are probably right. sometimes, the dating pool just doesn’t reflect the depth of who you are, especially when your passions are more niche and you know what you want. ik nobody wants to hear this, but these things rlly do take time.

that said, it’s also okay to step back and give yourself space. choosing to pause and focus on yourself doesn’t mean that you’re giving up – it means that you’re prioritising your well-being. it’s okay to trust that things will unfold in their own time.

you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way, and i’m rlly glad you shared. i hope you know that your worth isn’t defined by how quickly you find someone. you, and you alone, are enough . sending you lots of love and kindness as you take this time for yourself, we’re here for you ok

[Moodini_6]

hi, i hear you. and thank you for sharing and being open.
the frustration when there’s no “click”or “they are ok, but…” is completely understandable, especially when you’re genuinely trying different ways as you said.

It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or your standards are too high…It might simply mean you have depth and specific values you are passionate about
you deserve that kind of connection: one that feels mutual, real, and rooted in what matters to you

And as you said, “at this point, I just want to quit pursuing the matter and focus on myself” - that’s totally okay. taking a step back to focus on yourself sounds like a grounded move.

sometimes things shift when we pause and just start being. not out of giving up, but out of peace.

[messedupbun]

aww:') thank you so much rly needed to see this so appreciate this a lot❤️ cause i think after reading this, i realised there are things i don’t see that are good hehe

[messedupbun]

mhmm true…thank you for this:)!

[HanSolo2000]

Hi @messedupbun,

First off, I want to say that it’s completely valid to feel frustrated and even disheartened after putting in so much effort to find someone compatible and still not seeing the results you hoped for. The dating scene—whether it’s within a specific community or broader—is often challenging, and it’s not uncommon to feel like you’re spinning your wheels at times. You’ve tried multiple avenues, from apps to dating agencies, and even sought advice from trusted friends, which shows how seriously you’ve approached this. It’s easy to start questioning yourself or your standards when things don’t work out, but the reality is, compatibility goes beyond surface-level qualities, and it’s something that takes time, patience, and perhaps a bit of serendipity.

The passion you mentioned about your faith is a beautiful and integral part of who you are, and it’s understandable that you’d want someone who shares and resonates with those values. It’s not about having “too high standards”—it’s about wanting to connect with someone on the things that matter most to you. It’s also natural to find that within niche communities, the pool of like-minded individuals might feel smaller. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your approach. In fact, being authentic about what you value is crucial for building meaningful relationships, even if it feels like it narrows the possibilities at times.

It sounds like you’re at a place where you’re contemplating stepping back and focusing on yourself for now. That’s a deeply empowering decision. Taking time to nurture your passions, invest in personal growth, and enjoy life on your own terms is never wasted. Sometimes, when you least expect it, someone who aligns with your heart and values might enter your life naturally. Meanwhile, there’s strength in realizing that your worth is not dependent on whether or not you find a romantic partner—it’s found in who you are and what you bring to the world, faith, and all.

Lastly, try not to be hard on yourself or second-guess your choices. Your friends see that there’s nothing wrong with you, and I hope you can start to see it too. Sometimes the journey feels long and uncertain, but stepping back doesn’t mean giving up—it means prioritizing your peace and trusting that your story will unfold in time. Your perspective, your self-awareness, and your openness are qualities that are more rare than you might think, and they’re worth celebrating. Let them be your guide as you take this next step.

Best regards;
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk

[Ilovemochi]

Hi! I totally understand it can be really disheartening to not find “the one” and it can be very difficult emotionally and disappointing when you are not able to find the one who you feel is compatable. But just wanna encourage you that you can never ask for too much, find yourself someone who meets your standards and what you want! It may not be easy but there will definitely someone who is avaliable out there all the best!

[jellylyn]

hey @messedupbun, thank you for sharing! your story is so real and valid, you’re definitely not alone in this situation

its completely alright not to find a potential partner in your current circle of friends. its so important to have things that you’re passionate about and wanting a quality relationship!! i really admire your clarity and passion about the things you care about and i’m proud of you for putting yourself out there and trying to meet new people! it definitely isn’t easy

the standards you have and what you are looking for in a relationship is fully up to you - and it doesn’t mean your standards are too high! being intentional with the people you choose to pursue and wanting someone that shares the same beliefs as you is a good thing~~ its completely okay to take some time to focus on knowing and loving yourself as you are! your worth and value isn’t dependent on whether you have a partner or not.

sending lots of love and positivity your way - there’s so much more to explore and experience in life! and sometimes, the best things come your way when you least expect it

[douggydoug]

Hi OP!

I think at this point it’s better to have high standards for your potential partner rather than tolerating someone who can’t do the bare minimum in the relationship.

I’ve also come to learn that romantic relationships are not end all, be all. Some people don’t get into a relationship and remain single by their own choice. It’s definitely not for everyone; I also would like to have a romantic partner in the future. However, it feels less of a burden when I’m not constantly thinking of finding romance. I just think about what hobbies or things I want to do and just hang out with my friends. Just simple things to keep me going.

I always keep hearing the phrase “the right person will come to you at the right time” and, as annoying as it is, I do think the right partner can’t be brute forced. I’ve sort of given up trying the dating scene and would rather just spend time hanging out with friend or interest/hobby groups. I feel like it’s more natural than going on blind dates from dating apps, in my opinion.

[zx.dl]

heyy js know that ur not the problem okk ?? rn im having the same trouble as u. the guy i like is in a situationship. hes frm my church, and i literally js cant move on. but hey, we’re still young. im sure that theres someone out there whod love to be with you. theres over a billion ppl here on earth, one of them wld sure be lucky to be with u !! it takes time, js be patient. pls dun think tht ur ugly or wt so ever, ur not, ok ??

[Marshmallow.youghurt]

Hello @messedupbun

Thank you for sharing something so relatable.

I just wanted to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you. I believe that if you haven’t found the one yet, it’s because it’s not time yet. I just hope you’ll continue to never stop believing in what you believe in and stand for.

It reminded me of the conversation I had with my mum the other day at dinner when she casually popped this question: what if I found someone but he doesn’t share the same faith and/ or how much I stand for my faith as me, would I still pursue the relationship.

It made me ponder for a long time, because I mean it’s easy to say yeah I will terminate the relationship but you know in reality, love can be blind and love can be hard to come by but ultimately I hope and believe that I will stand by my faith and I hope that you will too.

I really hope that you find someone. Don’t be discouraged if you haven’t found the one yet, I believe that if you wish and believe hard enough, it’ll come true but in the meantime, rest assured that there is nothing wrong with you and to keep loving yourself.

Take care!

[Rotovap]

hi @messedupbun ,

You are perfect the way you are, and you deserve to be with the one you are truly attracted to and should not settle for anything less than that! Nothing is wrong with being diligent in finding your “prince in shining armor”.

You can also view things from the perspective of faith: may be you have not yet found a suitable partner because the right one has yet to be sent your way .

[Captainlightyear]

Just make sure u take ur time to find the right one. Find someone that u can accept and someone that can accept u for who u are. Grow together as unit and u will be happy. Coming from someone who is divorced and currently undergoing a potential breakup.