Hi @corporategurlie,
Thank you for sharing what’s been on your mind. It sounds like you’re feeling a mix of frustration and anxiety about setting boundaries, especially in your new leadership role. It’s clear that you care deeply about doing well and creating a positive dynamic at work, which is an amazing quality for any leader.
It’s understandable to feel hesitant about rejecting requests or asserting your needs, especially if you’ve experienced harsh criticism in the past when expressing yourself. Those experiences can leave a lasting impression, but the good news is that assertiveness is a skill you can build over time. And the fact that you’re already aware of this challenge and seeking advice shows how motivated and capable you are.
You mentioned that you can say “no” in some situations, like with salespeople, which shows that you already have some tools for setting boundaries in specific contexts. The key now is to build on that, perhaps practicing with less emotionally charged situations, like saying, “I’ll need to think about that,” instead of committing immediately. The key is to prioritise your own needs. How would you feel?
Try reframing this to think of boundaries not as rejection but as a way to protect your time and energy so you can lead and perform effectively. Saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad colleague or leader—it actually shows that you respect yourself and your team by ensuring you’re not overcommitted or overwhelmed.
One small step you could take is scripting responses to common situations you find challenging. For example, if a colleague asks you to take on their work, you might say, “I’d love to help, but I’m managing a full workload right now. Can we brainstorm another solution together?” This approach acknowledges their request while setting a clear boundary.
Over time, you can work up to more direct responses that feel authentic and comfortable for you. It’s great to hear that you’ve been reflecting on your experiences and how they might have shaped your current challenges with boundaries. It’s clear that you’re putting in the effort to work on this, and that’s a huge step forward.
It sounds like you’re beginning to draw connections between the patterns you experienced growing up and how they play out in professional settings now. Recognising that your upbringing might have influenced your approach to saying “no” is insightful, and it’s important to give yourself credit for that self-awareness.
While reflecting on the past is valuable, it’s also worth thinking about the future. How might learning to say “no” in professional settings help you create the kind of career and environment you want? By setting boundaries, you’re not just protecting your time and energy—you’re also teaching others how to respect your limits. This doesn’t just benefit you; it can also set a tone for fairness and accountability in the workplace.
You mentioned not feeling guilt about setting boundaries with people you’re close to, which is an incredible strength! How do you think those moments of clarity and confidence could be adapted to professional situations? Could reminding yourself of the benefits of boundaries in your personal life help guide you in work scenarios?
You’re demonstrating remarkable reflection and growth, and it’s acceptable to progress incrementally. Let us know your thoughts! 
. this is something i usually do when im put in a leadership role, so hope it helps!
i think that as long as i remain respectful and acknowledge their requests, then its good enough! plus asserting yourself as a leader doesnt make u look bad, you’re just reinforcing the importance of limits and respect 
