being too hung up over my role in cca

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

Hi! I’m a student currently in an exco role for my CCA. I don’t want anyone to know who I am, so I will just use Law Society as a stand in for my CCA, as the activities inside are quite similar.

my role in law soc revolves around leading the rest of my team in drafting this submission for this significant law competition. For context, as our school has traditionally dominated this competition, every batch there is an unspoken expectation that it must be well done. The problem is that last year our school performed poorly, so this year it is up to us to regain the title again.

This is my second time participating in this competition, and I have only a vague understanding of the format (there is a specific way to write it). Personally I’m smart enough know the gist of the format, but not experienced enough to know how it looks like in practice. Recently the teachers who vetted our submission which we painstakingly did told us that it was so bad and asked us to change it.

I’ve had other exco members who’ve participated in this competition for a significantly longer time, and they ideas as to how to craft the submission. Sometimes when I think about them talk about their ideas, even I don’t know how to pull it off.

But the problem is that they are not responsible for the submission. I am the leader directly responsible for this submission. And because I’m the leader, I feel as though I have failed my team in not being able to guide them properly. And lowk due to other factors outside of my control, I’ve started losing my passion for my role and can’t wait for the day to step down to come.

Right now we’ve got to quickly fix the major problems with our submission, but I don’t want to lead and sometimes I justify it by thinking that I’m not good enough and as a result whatever I’ve done, I’ve done my best already. However whenever I do other things, some part of me then whispers in my ear that I’m just avoiding the problem, and I’m not responsible.

I’m so confused about all these feelings, and lowk I know I shouldn’t be too hung up on simply a cca; when I see other people looking very happy/having alot of free time while I grind my life away and do my cca work, I feel a tinge of envy. I legit spend my effort on it but I don’t even know how to do it, like I’m just whacking around and hoping that smth will stick.

I really don’t know if I’m doing my best already or not.

2

Hey @user7650 . Thank you for trusting this space to share something so honest. Reading your post, I can really feel how much pressure you’re carrying, not just from the competition itself, but the responsibility to lead well and the fear that you’re not equipped enough to do so, especially when there’s an unspoken expectation to “redeem” your school’s performance. All of that can feel too much.

I also hear a lot of self-blame in the way you talk about avoiding the work. But avoidance doesn’t always mean irresponsibility. Sometimes it’s a sign that you’re overwhelmed and unsure where to start, especially when the stakes feel so high.

Something that stood out to me was how you seem to believe that being the leader means having to know how exactly everything should be done. But leadership can also be about bringing people together, especially those with more experience, and creating space for their ideas to take shape. You don’t have to carry this alone. Also, being a leader doesn’t mean being the most skilled person in the room. It can mean recognizing who has the skills, asking the right questions, and guiding the process. You’re allowed to learn while leading :yellow_heart:

And for what it’s worth, the that the fact that you care this much, that you feel responsible for your team, and that you’re questioning whether you’re avoiding the problem or truly burnt out does not sound like someone who’s lazy or irresponsible. They sound like someone who wants to do right by others, but is running low on clarity and energy.

You also mentioned wondering if you’re actually doing your best. I don’t think “doing your best” always looks like pushing nonstop. Sometimes it looks like slowing down, asking for help, and doing what you can with the energy you have.

You don’t have to figure all of this out alone, okie? Even if this role doesn’t look the way you hoped, it doesn’t define your worth or your capability. You’re allowed to be learning, struggling, and still trying at the same time. Please be gentle with yourself. You’re already doing more than you realize, and you deserve support too :sunflower:

1 Like
3

What you’re feeling makes a lot of sense. You were put in a leadership role with huge expectations, incomplete guidance, and very real pressure and you’re carrying most of that weight alone. That would drain anyone.

Not knowing exactly how to execute something you’ve only vaguely seen before doesn’t mean you failed your team. Leadership doesn’t mean you’re supposed to already know everything. It often means coordinating people who do have pieces of the knowledge including those more experienced exco members. Leaning on them and asking them to break things down isn’t weakness, it’s good leadership.

It also makes sense that you feel torn: part of you is exhausted and wants out, while another part feels guilty and worried you’re avoiding responsibility. That tension usually means you care and you’re burnt out, not that you’re lazy.

The envy you feel when you see others relaxed is human. Grinding without clarity kills motivation fast. And harsh teacher feedback can hurt even when you’ve genuinely tried.

You don’t need to carry the whole legacy of this competition on your own. Maybe “doing your best” right now looks like fixing a few key issues, leaning on your team more clearly, and accepting that this is a CCA not a measure of your worth.

You’re not confused because you’re failing. You’re confused because you’re under pressure and learning in real time. Be a little kinder to yourself here.

4

Dear @user7650

Thank you for opening up about your cca experience. I see that you are responsible leader who aims to submit the best possible competition submission for your team. I also see that you demonstrate a strong sense of ownership and I think that is deeply laudable.

I also sense that you have are self aware, honest and acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses in this process of preparing the submission. I perceive the challenge is that you do not have the necessary hands-on experience yet, and you recognise that limitation.

May I first share that your thoughts about not being good enough and not doing enough are just thoughts; these are hardly accurate given how vested and dedicated you have been. I therefore encourage you to hold these thoughts lightly instead of allowing them to contribute to self doubt. Once you hold these thoughts lightly, you will feel less overwhelmed and will be able to think more clearly. This will help you focus on what’s needed for the submission to take off.

Secondly, I gather that there are other Exco member and teachers who seem to have clearer picture and more experience of what is needed for a high quality submission. Reach out to them for help in specific areas of the submission. Narrow down areas to address and collaborate with them to improve.

I think you already have the necessary qualities to be a good leader. Now, also harness the strengths and knowledge of experienced group members. Your group and you can consult teachers to further refine and polish the submission. I think everyone has a stake in this so work as a team, with each member doing his or her part towards the success of the team. You do not need to shoulder the responsibility alone. You are doing your best and that is enough. :yellow_heart: