As per my previous post, my boyfriend has been emotionally distant. I realised he has been displaying depressive symptoms - He has no appetite, he does not want to get out of the bed and has no mood to do anything. He told me he does not like anything anymore… Around the start of our relationship, he had told me he had been diagnosed with depression before and has stopped medication but it was way before we met. I am not sure if depression is something that can be cured or disappear. Whenever I want to talk about his past depression to understand more about - when it happened or what happened, he refuses to share with me. Today, he told me he almost wanted to break up with me because he doesn’t want me to suffer with him and he says he is not sure when he will be better again. I do not want to break up with him. I am not sure what to do to support or help him emotionally - he is a more closed off person. I have given him space but I am not sure if it is the right way to continue.
Dear @frog
Thank you for updating us. It sounds like you’re in a really tender and difficult situation, and it’s clear you care deeply about your boyfriend. The fact that you’re trying to understand his emotional distance and support him through what seems to be a depressive episode shows so much compassion and strength on your part.
Depression is incredibly complex—it doesn’t just go away, and while people can recover or learn to manage it, it’s often something that ebbs and flows throughout life. It’s also not unusual for someone who’s struggling to pull away or believe they’re a burden to the people they love. When he says he thought about ending the relationship because he doesn’t want you to suffer with him—it’s likely coming from that place of pain and protectiveness. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. In fact, it might mean he cares so much that he doesn’t want to cause harm.
When someone is more closed off, it’s natural to wonder whether giving space is helping or unintentionally making things harder. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but sometimes what helps most is letting the person know—gently and consistently—that you’re still there. Not pressuring them to talk, but reminding them they’re not alone. Offering small, simple acts of care, even when they can’t fully respond, can also go a long way.
If he’s not ready to talk about his past or his feelings, that’s okay. What matters is that he knows you’re not waiting for him to “get better” to deserve love—you already see his worth, even in the hard moments.
You’re doing your best in a situation that doesn’t come with easy answers. Just remember to care for yourself, too. Being emotionally present for someone in pain is deeply meaningful—but it’s also understandable that it is draining at times. You deserve support as much as you give it. 
I have recovered to dormant levels but will relapse if life sucks long enough. Best to restart therapy for him. U may need to carry the burden of getting him to a therapist, bring him out to exercise and hiking etc
Hey @frog ,
I hear your current feelings surrounding the situation, and I would like to commend you for your dedication and braveness. Every relationship is different and has its own struggles - you are not alone in yours.
Depression is complicated and not an easy feat, and I’m sure your boyfriend is grateful to you for being by his side during this period of time. Perhaps what can help is giving him the space for him to heal, while you support him from the sidelines.
In the meantime, please take care of yourself - both physically and mentally. While you are there for your boyfriend, please be there for yourself too. Engage in activities that you enjoy, spend time with your friends, and remember that in a relationship, you are still yourself. You got this. Please stay strong!
It seems like he is going through a difficult time, and you have been trying your best to support him.
It’s difficult to support someone experiencing mental health difficulties. Sometimes it takes time for people to be ready to open up to receiving support from
others.
I would encourage you to think about what you want to do for him and balancing that with what he might need. For example, if what you want is to still be there for him and not to break up, you can let him know that you’re happy to be there for him through these struggles while giving him the space of letting him express how you can support him.
And when discussing support, it may also be helpful to use “I” statements, sharing your thoughts and needs while recognising what his needs are.
Most of all, it can be challenging accompanying someone through mental health challenges. Remember to take time to check in on your own needs, and let yourself get what you need in this time as well