Is it possible for two people with depression to maintain a good relationship? Or is it better to let each other go?
I used to have major depression and recovered. Recently started to have depressive symptoms again.
My boyfriend has major depression and rely heavily on medication.
We are generally OK.
Sometimes I have to tiptoe around him to avoid affecting his moods. I feel down when he is down. He feels sad when I have low moods. Is this a vicious cycle?
I avoid talking about topics that may trigger his moods. It is sometimes difficult and claustrophobic for me to be careful all the time.
Dear @Walrus
Thank you for sharing something very honest and close to your heart. It takes real courage to reflect on a relationship while also carrying the weight of your own emotional world—and it’s clear you care deeply, not just about your boyfriend, but about doing what’s right for both of you.
What you’re describing—the tenderness, the quiet tiptoeing, the emotional mirroring—is something many people in loving relationships experience when depression is involved. It doesn’t mean either of you are doing something wrong. It means you’re two people with deep feelings trying to protect each other.
Yes, depression can create a kind of emotional cycle between two people, where one person’s low mood silently pulls the other down. It’s not because anyone wants to hurt the other—but because you care so much that you absorb their pain like your own.
Feeling like you have to always be careful—holding back your own thoughts or feelings to avoid triggering someone else—can start to feel emotionally suffocating over time. You deserve space to breathe too. And just because your partner is struggling doesn’t mean your own needs stop mattering.
It is possible for two people who live with depression to be in a meaningful, loving relationship—but only if there’s honesty, mutual support, and room for both people to be cared for. If one person is always carrying the weight, eventually it becomes too much, no matter how much love is there.
You’re not selfish for needing room. You’re not cold for noticing the toll this is taking. You’re human—and you’re navigating something tender and real with a lot of self-awareness and care.
Whatever you decide—whether that’s creating more boundaries, asking for support, or even taking a pause to protect your own well-being—please know that you’re not failing. You’re being brave enough to ask yourself what love looks like when it includes your own peace, too.
If you ever need help talking through it more or writing something from the heart to him, please continue to reach out. You’re not alone, and you’re doing the best you can with something incredibly tender. Be gentle with yourself—you deserve that kindness too. 
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It sounds like both of you care a lot for each other, and it’s heartening to see you notice each others moods and to think about what each other needs. Yet I recognise it’s challenging — there’s worry about the depressive symptoms (whether topics will trigger, will my symptoms affect the other person’s)
It’s possible for two people with depression to be in a relationship, but it will take effort and care. More effort and care may be needed to learn how to communicate more openly and express each others’ needs. Even though it sounds scary to say something like “I need space” or “I need support”, it might be helpful to recognise that both of you want to be there for each other and are probably happy if you can both have your needs met! And if sometimes through the process of learning to communicate there may be mistakes which might create some sad feelings. It’s normal to feel sad briefly and isn’t necessarily a trigger to a depressive episode. But by learning to communicate and work together to understand each others’ needs, it will become easier to cope when either has a depressive episode.
Sometimes, if it’s accessible, couples therapy may be helpful to facilitate learning these skills of communication while navigating depressive symptoms.
Thank you for your kind words. I felt understood.
As a professional, do you think couple’s therapy is useful or helpful?
Thank you for your kind words. I agree fully that communication is key.
The problem, sometimes, is the fear of triggering outbursts.
I am slowly learning to be more brave to communicate my own feelings, and also to ask about his feelings.
Full disclosure, I’m an associate psychologist (so I haven’t completed my full training yet) and work with fully certified counsellors and psychologists 
But I’ve seen the work that my colleagues do and yes, I do believe in the power of therapy for couples! Like individual, it is evidence-based. On top of just emotional support (because that’s super important with any challenging situation), therapy and working with a professional may also provide some guidance and frameworks to better identify patterns and communicate.
I hope this information helps